At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Think of what big governments have gotten up to in this century : not one, but two world wars, the gulag, the… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I buy a tractor two years ago, and four-fifths of the tractor manual is about not tipping over, not raising the bucket… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
A friend of mine at the American Enterprise Institute says there are two parties: the silly party and the stupid party. I'm… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Afghans themselves say that if you put two Afghans in a room, you get three factions. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I like the fact that they still run substantive pieces. I'm not sure I like the pieces, but it's nice that they… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
When you pay a hospital bill, you're really paying two hospital bills - one bill for you because you have a job… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The sport of skiing consists of wearing three thousand dollars worth of clothes and equipment and driving two hundred miles in the… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Jeans fit the mature male one of two ways, both dirigible in nature. You make a public impression that's either Hindenburg or… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
My wife and I both come from Irish families. There are two kinds of Irish families: the hitting kind and the kidding… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If you spend seventy-two hours in a place you've never been, talking to people whose language you don't speak about social, political,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Bureaucrats want bigger bureaus. Special interests are interested in whatever's special to them. These two groups bring great pressure to bear upon… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I am no stranger to loud music. I've been to a Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels concert. I once dated a… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Cockfighting has always been my idea of a great sport -- two armed entrées battling to see who'll be dinner. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
There are two factors in American politics that may seem strange to Europeans: race and religion. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In the end we beat them with Levi's 501 jeans. Seventy-two years of communist indoctrination and propaganda was drowned out by a… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Each American embassy comes with two permanent features - a giant anti-American demonstration and a giant line for American visas. Most demonstrators… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The two most frightening words in Washington are 'bipartisan consensus.' Bipartisan consensus is when my doctor and my lawyer agree with my… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I can understand why mankind hasn't given up war. During a war you get to drive tanks through the sides of buildings… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
There are just two rules of governance in a free society: Mind your own business. Keep your hands to yourself. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In comparative terms, there's no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures showing that… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and the annoying… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
So-called Western Civilization, as practised in half of Europe, some of Asia and a few parts of North America, is better than anything else… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It was Ronald Reagan who used to say that the 10 most frightening words in the English language are, "I'm from the federal government,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Gun violence has cost us too many political leaders, and hardly ever the worst ones. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Pete Seeger is a modest, unassuming, cheerful, and kind-natured man. He's a good folk singer, if you can stand folk singing. And he's such… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Journalists are notoriously easy to kid. All you have to do is speak to a journalist in a very serious tone of voice, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a 'learning experience.' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
