A new survey reveals that women would rather give up sex than give up the remote control for the TV. Men, on… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
I think in future people will take television in eyedrop form. All media will be in eyedrops. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
If you watch a lot of television, the pacing, the quick cutting is so frenetic, but it doesn't always make it funnier.… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
If I existed 200 years ago, all the other farmers in my community would be like, 'That guy is worthless! He's sitting… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Big night of television tonight for Barack Obama. Earlier tonight, Barack Obama aired a half-hour infomercial to attract more voters. Yeah. Yeah,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, 'Why didn't you do… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
MSNBC has abruptly ended their relationship with Keith Olbermann, and according to his contract he's not allowed back on television for at… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
I think the best thing I ever did was, years before I got the 'Late Night' show, when I first got out… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
It's a good thing I was born in this century, when superfluous television seems to be part of the economy. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A federal court has ruled that the U.S. Postal Service must reduce its stamp prices. The change in stamp prices is expected to affect… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
NBC is making a movie about Martha Stewart that will cover the recent stock scandal. They are thinking of calling it 'The Road To… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
People should say 'no comment' more often. No comment! I love no comment. Let's have more no comment. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new study reveals that one-third of babies in the U.S. have used a smartphone. Yeah, and one-third of babies in China have MADE… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Martha Stewart showed up at Manhattan FBI Headquarters to have her finger prints taken and pose for a mug shot. Then Martha explained how… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The big story today, Barack Obama was accused of insulting Sarah Palin when he criticized Republican policies by saying, you can put lipstick on… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
LEGO has announced that they are shutting down their U.S. factory and moving it to Canada. LEGO employees say it's their fault because they… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new survey reveals that women would rather give up sex than give up the remote control for the TV. Men, on the other… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Yesterday the DEA raided several NFL teams suspected of giving prescription painkillers to their players. In its defense, the New York Jets' doctor said,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama gave a speech about healthcare tonight, and yesterday he gave a pep talk to students. He told them that in order to… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
“Disappointment leads to clarity, which leads to conviction and true originality.” — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
