Once you've built the big machinery of political power, remember you won't always be the one to run it. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
As a longtime former resident of 15 years in Washington, I wish that everybody would stay off the Mall with their political… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
So what if I don't agree with the Democrats? What's to disagree with? They believe everything. And what they don't believe, the… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
[Al] Franken is left-wing and funny. He's a pretty good political humorist. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If you spend seventy-two hours in a place you've never been, talking to people whose language you don't speak about social, political,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Mankind is supposed to have evolved in the treetops. But I have examined my sense of balance, the prehensility of my various… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Government usually doesn't work. It doesn't work because it is political. People who are wise, good, smart, skillful, or hardworking don't need… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Masochists are people that have pleasure confused with pain. In a world that has television confused with entertainment, doritoes confused with food,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Intelligence collection has been given an additional bureaucracy to correct the problems created by too much bureaucracy in intelligence collection. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Anyhow, all mankind's ideas and interests, all human aims and motives, are exhibited, fully formed, in a three-year-old child. The kid is… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Politics is the business of getting power and privilege without possessing merit. A politician is anyone who asks individuals to surrender part… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
You can't get something for nothing. Everybody remembers this except politicians. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The American political system is like fast food - mushy, insipid, made out of disgusting parts of things and everybody wants some. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Political systems must love poverty-they produce so much of it. Poor people make easier targets for a demagogue. No Mao or even… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Many reporters, when they go to work in the nation's capital, begin thinking of themselves as participants in the political process instead… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The political process consists entirely of politicians talking out of their butts. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Haitians weren't screwed-up, but everything political, intellectual, and material around them is. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
We also have a lot of the same influences - we both read a lot of the beatniks. And yet what we… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In comparative terms, there's no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures showing that… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and the annoying… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
So-called Western Civilization, as practised in half of Europe, some of Asia and a few parts of North America, is better than anything else… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It was Ronald Reagan who used to say that the 10 most frightening words in the English language are, "I'm from the federal government,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Gun violence has cost us too many political leaders, and hardly ever the worst ones. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Pete Seeger is a modest, unassuming, cheerful, and kind-natured man. He's a good folk singer, if you can stand folk singing. And he's such… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Journalists are notoriously easy to kid. All you have to do is speak to a journalist in a very serious tone of voice, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a 'learning experience.' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
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