Newt Gingrich says he wants to get rid of Social Security. Who is more qualified to give this country financial advice than… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Newt Gingrich is against same-sex marriage. Well, actually, he's against same-marriage sex. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Newt Gingrich wants to repeal child labor laws. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the man that we need to lead us into… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Newt Gingrich has criticized 'New York elites' who ride the subway. One of those subway elites threw up on my pants this… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Newt Gingrich had a horrible week in the Iowa caucuses. Only 13 percent of his ex-wives voted for him. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Osama bin Laden was living in that compound with three wives. It's like he was Newt Gingrich. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Newt Gingrich wants to build a colony on the Moon. OK, you say, but why? Well, he wants to be the first… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Newt Gingrich's campaign is broke. All the money gone. So now he's charging $50 for a photo. And for $100 you can marry him. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
You all know Newt Gingrich. Newt is short for Newton. People say if that's the case, what is Mitt short for? It's… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Two things you need to know about taxes. They've extended the deadline to April 18, and when you write your check, just make it… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
You know Kim Jong Un, the evil dictator of North Korea? Apparently, a guy in his inner circle used his ashtray while smoking and… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
It's the first day of spring. That means this weekend I'll take down my Christmas lights. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
There are a lot of New York City Thanksgiving traditions. For example, a lot of New Yorkers don't buy the frozen Thanksgiving turkey. They… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I can hardly wait until Donald Trump announces his celebrity cabinet. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Experts say this global warming is serious, and they are predicting now that by the year 2050, we will be out of party ice. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it's been 25 years since… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Do I think there is a heaven? Uh, yeah I do. Like a really big gymnasium. How do I see myself there? With really… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
If it wasn't for coffee, I'd have no discernible personality at all. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
