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More time Quotes by Craig Ferguson

2 More time quotes by Craig Ferguson

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Larry King has been married more times than Henry the Eighth. We used to have that rhyme to keep track of them. 'Divorced, beheaded, died. Divorced, beheaded, survived.' With Larry I think it goes, 'Divorced, beheaded, divorced, escaped. Zombie, lesbian,…

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It was on this day that the Bahamas declared independence. Before that they were a British colony. The British Empire lost Canada and the Bahamas, to name just a couple. Britain's been dumped more times than Taylor Swift. But did…

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More by Craig Ferguson

“I was ambitious and desperate to direct my first film, so I capitulated and blew it. Never again. Never fucking again.”

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Sometimes people think you’re smart if you question the status quo, if nothing else.

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Sober alkies are often asked: "When did you hit rock bottom?" but a more informed question might be: "How many times did you hit…

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Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van?

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People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay…

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Whoever I had become had to die.

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My pilot's license. I'm proud of that.

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People are saying that Anderson Cooper could be the new Oprah. And then these people are struck by lightning.

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I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that.

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I'm so excited about the new iPad, I just iPeed my iPants.

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For my birthday that year Anne gave me an inflatable atlas globe, along with a birthday card in which she wrote: I give you…

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114 isn't as old as it used to be they say its the new 104.

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