Everything in Italian sounds like 'Give me your money or I'm going to beat your @$$'. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
What's with the poverty Tourette's? Why do these two think we need a hobo for president? — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I thought we were out of money!? You can't simultaneously fire teachers AND tomahawk missiles. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I don't care about wealth. What seems to be upsetting is institutionalizing the advantages that wealth gives you. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You know if I had nickel for every time Bush has mentioned 9/11, I could raise enough reward money to go after… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The Oscars is the one night of the year when you can see all your favorite stars without having to donate any… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
To the people who are upset about their hard-earned tax money going to things they don’t like: welcome to the f*cking club.… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
It is hard to get mad at Donald Trump for saying stupid things, in the same way you don't get mad at… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I'm less upset with politicians than the media. I feel like politicians, there is a certain, inherent - you know, the way… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I don't know how people feel,that's the beauty of TV, is they can see us, but we can't see them. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are, it's not even… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Megachurches. I can't be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
While opponents label (Howard) Dean a throwback liberal, The New York Times recently noted that as governor, Dean cut income taxes, reformed welfare and… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You know, in Saudi Arabia, you're innocent until proven Jewish. Female. Guilty! They're guilty! — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of 's.'… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
