This is Democratic bedrock: we don't let people lie in the ditch and drive past and pretend not to see them dying.… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Jesus said the meek would inherit the earth, but so far all we've gotten is Minnesota and North Dakota. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
When it comes to finding available men in Minnesota, the odds are good, but the goods are odd. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
I was an English major at the University of Minnesota, and I was very shy, which many people misinterpreted as intelligence. On… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Minnesota is a state of public-spirited and polite people, where you can get a good cappucino and eat Thai food and find… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
The thought of people in this day and age sitting down to listen to a radio variety show on Saturday evening is… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
..people (in Minnesota) avoid stupidity when possible, not wanting to be a $10 haircut on a 50 cent head. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
As for family values, they are whatever they are - some families are tight, others are blown away like dandelion puffs. A… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
The socially redeeming aspect of golf lies in the vast number of lawyers and bankers and managers who play it, and when you think… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Ha! Easy for nuns to talk about giving up things. That's what they do for a living. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Before the world was made, when it was only darkness and mist and waters, God was well aware of Lake Wobegon, my family, our… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
On investments, 1998: Where I'm from we don't trust paper. Wealth is what's here on the premises. If I open a cupboard and see,… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“The rich can afford to be progressive. Poor people have reason to be afraid of the future.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
English is the perfect language for preachers because it allows you to talk until you think of what to say. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“If you can't read a simple goddam sign and follow one simple goddam instruction then get your fat butt the hell out of here.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“The Gospel is meant to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
