This morning, prompted by increasing concerns about terrorism, oil prices reached a record high as the cost of a barrel of crude… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
President Bush announced we're going to Mars, which means he's given up on Earth. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
As our larynxes descended, we were able to make sounds with our mouths in new and far more expressive ways. Verbal language… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
North Korea is making several demands in exchange for giving up their nuclear program, including a promise from America not to attack… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably alone. Valentine's Day is often times a,… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The next four years, though, you still have to abide by the oversight process that is there to prevent this kind of… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Everyone knows if a Republican comes out of the closet and sees a gay shadow, it means six more years of a… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Hopefully the process is to spot things that would be grist for the funny mill. In some respects, the heavier subjects are… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
In my head, thought, I would love to do an interview where it's just sort of de-constructed - the talking points of… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The important thing is, that I guess I don't spend any time thinking about what I am or what we do means.… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I mean, I'm not hoping for the apes and the monolith. I'm hoping for controlled chaos to assist us. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You may be asking yourself, 'Am I the right type of person to go to this rally?' The fact that you would… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I don't know how people feel,that's the beauty of TV, is they can see us, but we can't see them. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are, it's not even… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Megachurches. I can't be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
While opponents label (Howard) Dean a throwback liberal, The New York Times recently noted that as governor, Dean cut income taxes, reformed welfare and… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You know, in Saudi Arabia, you're innocent until proven Jewish. Female. Guilty! They're guilty! — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of 's.'… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
