I'm doing everything I can to sabotage my career. It's a little thing called "fear of success". — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I'm a little bit too obsessed with the news. I find the news easier to follow than narrative entertainment programs. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I could never wrap my head around why the world and the President that Republicans describe bears so little resemblance to the… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I think that, if we do anything in a positive sense for the world, is provide one little bit of context, that's… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Yon Kippur. Greatest Jewish holiday ever. The Jewish day of attonement. You don't ear for one day, all your sins for the… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I feel like the only thing that I can do, and I've been fired from enough jobs, that I'm pretty confident in… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Nobody cares that Mitt Romney is rich. It's Romney's inability to understand the institutional advantage that he gains from the government’s tax… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Most Americans don't live their lives solely as Democrats or Republicans or conservatives or liberals. Most Americans live their lives that are… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
North Korea is making several demands in exchange for giving up their nuclear program, including a promise from America not to attack… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
My life was typical. I played a little Little League baseball. I never wanted for food. I always had shoes. I had… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You guys (Boko Haram) are trying so hard to convince everybody that you're such badasses. But all you've done with this kidnapping… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I don't know how people feel,that's the beauty of TV, is they can see us, but we can't see them. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are, it's not even… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Megachurches. I can't be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
While opponents label (Howard) Dean a throwback liberal, The New York Times recently noted that as governor, Dean cut income taxes, reformed welfare and… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You know, in Saudi Arabia, you're innocent until proven Jewish. Female. Guilty! They're guilty! — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of 's.'… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
