One day you're the leader of Iraq, the next day you're being checked for fleas on Fox News. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Iraq is so bad that President Obama phoned Hillary Clinton and asked her if she could start early. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and the bad news is Iraq is ours. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
The general election's taking place today in Iraq, so I guess that means we're one step closer to being there for another… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
President Obama is sending troops back to Iraq. He said, 'Don't worry, we should not be there any longer than a Kardashian… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
And now the really difficult part: We have to rebuild Iraq into a strong and independent nation that will one day hate… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
President Bush announced he has a five-point strategy for getting out of Iraq. Points six through 10 will be handled by the… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Do you know who is ready to go with the presidential campaign? Jeb Bush. Jeb already has plans to end the war… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
It was a tough press conference for President Bush. He spent the first ten minutes trying to pronounce Fallujah. ... Bush insisted… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Let's see what's going on over in Iraq. A Burger King has opened up and prostitutes are back on the street of… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
President Obama is sending a couple hundred troops to Iraq. We spent six years trying to figure a way to get out… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence.… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
President Bush announced that the war in Iraq has been won. It's all over, it's been won. I believe this would be… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
President Bush is going to establish elections there in Iraq. He's going to rebuild the infrastructure. He's going to create jobs. He… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Two things you need to know about taxes. They've extended the deadline to April 18, and when you write your check, just make it… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
You know Kim Jong Un, the evil dictator of North Korea? Apparently, a guy in his inner circle used his ashtray while smoking and… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
It's the first day of spring. That means this weekend I'll take down my Christmas lights. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
There are a lot of New York City Thanksgiving traditions. For example, a lot of New Yorkers don't buy the frozen Thanksgiving turkey. They… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I can hardly wait until Donald Trump announces his celebrity cabinet. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Experts say this global warming is serious, and they are predicting now that by the year 2050, we will be out of party ice. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it's been 25 years since… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Do I think there is a heaven? Uh, yeah I do. Like a really big gymnasium. How do I see myself there? With really… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
If it wasn't for coffee, I'd have no discernible personality at all. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
