Ma'am, when I got up this morning, I didn't want to be jackass. You just pushed my jackass button. — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
There is no late-night comedy. You watch comedy, you watch whenever you want to tune on. You can it in the middle… — George Schlatter Copy Share Image
“Some women are built by the fire. Yet, there are some that are the FIRE!” — Shannon L. Alder Copy Share Image
“I feel that the characters in my book, if they were real, would be like, "Seriously, another plot twist?” — Kaya Carvajal Copy Share Image
You haven't got a letter on yours," George observed. "I suppose she thinks you don't forget your name. But we're not stupid-we… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“The new day is almost here, but the old one is still dragging its heavy skirts. Just as ocean water and river… — Haruki Murakami Copy Share Image
If it shuffles like a zombie, stinks like a zombie, and moans like a zombie, make sure it isn't your mom, then… — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
“Reginald, the dog-bear," I repeated. "Or bear-dog," she reminded me. "That's terrible," I said in mock solemnity. "He's already not sure what… — Stacey Kade Copy Share Image
He can run faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo. J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows — JK Rowling Copy Share Image
Nobody tried comedy in horror, and when I tried it ladies came to the theatre. — Raghava Lawrence Copy Share Image
“No. See, when you throw up you're vomiting, but when you throw down you're starting a fight, as in throwing down the… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“Wasnt it Startre who said hell was eternity spent in a room with your friends?” — L.J. Smith Copy Share Image
People see me on the 'Daily Show' or 'About a Boy'. But the reality is that I only got into this business… — Al Madrigal Copy Share Image
I always try to lace my work with just a teensy-weensy bit of humour. It's rather like putting a sprig of feathery… — Roisin Murphy Copy Share Image
Comedy is very strange to me and I don't fully understand it's purpose or function. — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
Thomas Chong is a bad influence on children because of his drug use and crude humor — Unkown Copy Share Image
“It was quite obvious that without severe behavior modification, this boy would grow up to be a serial killer.” — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
“Fear and shame are the backbone of my self-control. They are my source of inspiration, my insurance against becoming entirely unacceptable. They… — Allie Brosh Copy Share Image
“Shortly after this exchange my roommate suggested we start throwing water balloons at the construction workers. Not really at them because, I… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
I am about to - or I am going to - die; either expression is correct. — Dominique Bouhours Copy Share Image
“Ears back, tail up! I got to show off the white tip on the end of my tail. It's the flag that… — Sheron Long Copy Share Image
I like to think my sense of humor is sort of smart and dumb at the same time. I like to work… — Robert Lopez Copy Share Image
