Humor Quotes by Alice Roosevelt Longworth

I have a simple philosophy. Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches.

— Alice Roosevelt Longworth

“Father [Teddy] always wanted to be the bride at every wedding, the corpse at every funeral, and the baby at every christening.”

— Alice Roosevelt Longworth

... [woman suffrage] has made little difference beyond doubling the number of voters. There is no woman's vote as such. They divide up just…

— Alice Roosevelt Longworth

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

— Alice Roosevelt Longworth

I can be President of the United States, or I can control Alice. I cannot possibly do both.

— Alice Roosevelt Longworth

If you have nothing good to say about anyone, come and sit with me.

— Alice Roosevelt Longworth

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

— Alice Roosevelt Longworth

He sprang from the grass roots of the country clubs of America.

— Alice Roosevelt Longworth

You can't make souffle rise twice.

— Alice Roosevelt Longworth

If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me.

— Alice Roosevelt Longworth

I live by three rules: I eat when I'm hungry, sleep when I'm tired and scratch when I itch.

— Alice Roosevelt Longworth

If YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY ABOUT ANYONE..COME SIT BY ME.

— Alice Roosevelt Longworth