You should never protest outside a rich guy's home during the day because he's not there. He's at work grinding the faces… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
It's Earth Day today. Let me tell you something about polar bears. They're endangered but you have to be careful because a… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
At CBS, I’m in your house. I’m mindful of that. When I do standup, you’re in my home and I can say… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I am reasonably happy. I didn't find Jesus or anything like that. Part of it is that I just feel that I… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Sometimes they would just pay me to stay home and not do anything else, which sounds fantastic but doesn't do much for… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
“I was ambitious and desperate to direct my first film, so I capitulated and blew it. Never again. Never fucking again.” — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Sometimes people think you’re smart if you question the status quo, if nothing else. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Sober alkies are often asked: "When did you hit rock bottom?" but a more informed question might be: "How many times did you hit… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van? — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
People are saying that Anderson Cooper could be the new Oprah. And then these people are struck by lightning. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
For my birthday that year Anne gave me an inflatable atlas globe, along with a birthday card in which she wrote: I give you… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
