Wait! Don't applaud my cheapness! I've got other crap I need help with! — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Self help books are pointless. Here's something for you... Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, and self help books are… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I think commercialism helps Christmas and I think that the more capitalism we can inject into the Christmas holiday the more spiritual… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Sarah Palin is speaking out about the oil spill. She said, I'm not kidding, we should ask the Dutch for help with… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I think that clearly it has an influence, to be coming of age during the punk rock era, to come from a… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
The queen banishes Snow White because of her beauty. But the dwarves help Snow White because they're smitten by that very beauty.… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
“I was ambitious and desperate to direct my first film, so I capitulated and blew it. Never again. Never fucking again.” — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Sometimes people think you’re smart if you question the status quo, if nothing else. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Sober alkies are often asked: "When did you hit rock bottom?" but a more informed question might be: "How many times did you hit… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van? — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
People are saying that Anderson Cooper could be the new Oprah. And then these people are struck by lightning. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
For my birthday that year Anne gave me an inflatable atlas globe, along with a birthday card in which she wrote: I give you… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
