If I existed 200 years ago, all the other farmers in my community would be like, 'That guy is worthless! He's sitting… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Donald Trump is the grandson of German immigrants. Don't worry. The last time a German guy with crazy hair took over a… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Yesterday, after the Thanksgiving parade, Donald Trump appeared at Macy's to promote his new line of fragrances and business suits. Unfortunately, there… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Critics say it's illegal for Donald Trump to run for president while hosting a TV show. It's also illegal to run for… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Macy's has severed ties with Donald Trump and no longer will carry his men's wear collection. From now on, men who want… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Today, possible presidential candidate Donald Trump released his birth certificate. It lists his eyes as blue and his hair as ridiculous. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A federal court has ruled that the U.S. Postal Service must reduce its stamp prices. The change in stamp prices is expected to affect… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
NBC is making a movie about Martha Stewart that will cover the recent stock scandal. They are thinking of calling it 'The Road To… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
People should say 'no comment' more often. No comment! I love no comment. Let's have more no comment. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new study reveals that one-third of babies in the U.S. have used a smartphone. Yeah, and one-third of babies in China have MADE… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Martha Stewart showed up at Manhattan FBI Headquarters to have her finger prints taken and pose for a mug shot. Then Martha explained how… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The big story today, Barack Obama was accused of insulting Sarah Palin when he criticized Republican policies by saying, you can put lipstick on… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
LEGO has announced that they are shutting down their U.S. factory and moving it to Canada. LEGO employees say it's their fault because they… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new survey reveals that women would rather give up sex than give up the remote control for the TV. Men, on the other… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Yesterday the DEA raided several NFL teams suspected of giving prescription painkillers to their players. In its defense, the New York Jets' doctor said,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama gave a speech about healthcare tonight, and yesterday he gave a pep talk to students. He told them that in order to… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
“Disappointment leads to clarity, which leads to conviction and true originality.” — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
