A tough guy told me, "I'll bet you $10 you're dead." I was afraid to bet him. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
2 Guys in a health club, one is putting on pantyhose. "Since when do you wear pantyhose?" "Since my wife found it… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
I know a guy who had his doctor say, "Take some weight off, go to a health club." The man lost 20… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
A guy complains of a headache. Another guy says, Do what I do. I put my head on my wife's bosom, and… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.' — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
A man goes to a psychiatrist. "Nobody listens to me!" The doctor says, "Next!" — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. "Peanuts. Popcorn." — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living." — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, "Crick". — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
