The rain is giving much needed relief to California's crops. By that I mean 'marijuana.' — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
If I start giving people what they like I'll turn into one of them and I don't want to be one of… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
They say give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. But teach a man to fish and he'll get… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
For my birthday that year Anne gave me an inflatable atlas globe, along with a birthday card in which she wrote: I… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
North Korea announced that they have nuclear weapons and they have no plans to give them up. The White House, acting quickly,… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
In some countries Women's Day is a national holiday and men give women flowers. In America Women's Day falls on another holiday,… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Valentine's Day is celebrated a little differently here in L.A. Nobody eats chocolate because of the calories, so people give each other… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
There is a new bill in the Senate that is upsetting a lot of people. This bill would give the President the… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Being the executive producer of a film is not that difficult. It just means that you have some power. There's not a… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
School did give me one of the greatest gifts of my life, though. I learned how to read, and for that I… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
“I was ambitious and desperate to direct my first film, so I capitulated and blew it. Never again. Never fucking again.” — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Sometimes people think you’re smart if you question the status quo, if nothing else. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Sober alkies are often asked: "When did you hit rock bottom?" but a more informed question might be: "How many times did you hit… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van? — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
People are saying that Anderson Cooper could be the new Oprah. And then these people are struck by lightning. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
For my birthday that year Anne gave me an inflatable atlas globe, along with a birthday card in which she wrote: I give you… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
