Therapist: you should be in a mental institute Me: I'm already on Twitter — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Look officer, I'm not being a smartass. All I'm sayin' is if you caught me then you were speeding too. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Philosopher: A masochistic fool who will be considered a genius once dead. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My girlfriend caught me blow drying my penis...She asked what was I doing. Apparently, 'heating up your dinner' wasn't a sexy answer. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My girl went away for the weekend, and I didn't masturbate once. I masturbated 21 times. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Earlier I received a phone call from a PPI Telemarketer. So I told my 3 year old son that Santa Claus was… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I realized Facebook was a drug when I caught myself sneaking into the bathroom at work just to use it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When You Came , You were like Red Wine And Honey .... And Taste of u Burnt ma Mouth with its Sweetness.. — Faisal Khan Neal Copy Share Image
I don't like doing this to you, but if it's the only thing to get your un-invited attention, I guess I have… — Syoung Copy Share Image
Sometimes I wonder, would females have all these relationship problems if they would have chose those nice guys they decided to ignore.… — Ephrem Hardin Copy Share Image
No matter how old you are, no matter how bad ass you think you are, if a toddler hands you their ringing… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
For All Girls That Say All Guys Are The Same , Who Told Yhuueww To Try Them All . ? S T… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I did it on my bed.. I did it on the couch.. I did it in the car... Texting is such an… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Of course my clothes are on the floor. I'm a guy, that is where I hang them. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The blonde was always careful to remove her watch before putting on bug spray because she didn't want it to kill the… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you can't say goodbye to your past, then you just can't say hello to your future. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you text me and then within the next 3 minutes send me ???, you will not get a reply. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When going to work has become a nice break from Facebook, it's safe to say you're a Facebook junkie. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
This is one of those mornings where I'll be picking the marshmallows out of the Lucky Charms and throwing the rest away. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Whats the worst thing to do to a blind person? Leave the plunger in the toilet. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A female saying that she doesn't like attention is like a guy saying he doesn't like getting blowjobs. -Just Saying — Ephrem Hardin Copy Share Image
Whenever I masturbate I always pretend my right hand has a British accent. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My bed and I have a special relationship, we're perfect for each other. But my alarm clock just hates seeing us together. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Twitter: where no one is afraid to say the first thing that pops into their head. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Million dollar idea for a sci-fic movie: A world just like ours but with one key difference. When your phone dies, YOU… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If I had said everything I was thinking out loud,I would definitely have lost my job a LONG time ago. — Abhishek Tiwari Copy Share Image
You u need in this world is love...and a little chocolate now and than wont hurt. — Lula Starr Copy Share Image
I drank so much beer that I feel like I can ejaculate a unicorn in full sprint. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If your shorts look like they're being eaten by your butt, they're not meant for you. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's funny if someone post something in their wall with nonsense just to catch up the attention of others. — Mitch Alapan Copy Share Image
