A wise man once told me, if we were all fatter we would be closer together!.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If my tweets offend you: 1. I'm sorry. 2. It won't happen again. 3. 1 & 2 are lies. 4. You're a pussy. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I was arrested after my therapist suggested I take something for my kleptomania. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Its Throwback Thursday on Instagram...Chicks showing us how much they fell off since High School... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's funny how you decide to IM me on Facebook saying Hey, how are you doing? But you can't reply back to… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Do not be too open minded...your brains might fall off.!!! . .from m.facebook.com/Jamstaquotes — Jamsta E Ngugz Copy Share Image
That WTF moment when your toothpaste does a suicide dive off of your toothbrush — Itsme867 Copy Share Image
I read something the other day that made me piss myself. It was a sign that said: 'Bathroom closed.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I think if steroids are illegal for athletes why aint photoshop illegal for sum dez ratchet bitches on Facebook...IG & Twitter — IG:caonte_2_funny Copy Share Image
LOVE, The only virtue that can be divided endlessly and still not be diminished; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My favorite text message, I will be there in five minutes, if not read again. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
History may repeat itself, But Herstory won't ever shut the fuck up about it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa: Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I wish that all of my enemies had three cars parked in front of their house. An ambulance, fire truck and police… — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
Facebook is that insecure chick that keeps changing her hairstyle &/or color until she finally loses her mind and shaves it &… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Everyone should agree that the library is kinda the best place to talk with friends.. — Kand3n Copy Share Image
Don't do drugs kids. There's a time and place for everything. It's called college. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
In the Beginning, God made the Heaven and Earth. The rest was Made in China — Punkinhead Abhishek Copy Share Image
I'm pretty sure I have a defective iphone 5, I keep pressing the home button and I'm still at work. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Disney Channel should stop making new shows and replay all the old ones. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I hate that feeling when everyone around me is in a relationship and I'm awkwardly sitting there like...I love my dog. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Yo mama's so stupid that she rubbed j!zz all over her face thinking it was Olay. — Alec Straub Copy Share Image
For all my haters, I just want you to know that there's no medicine for insecurities so better commit suicide! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Girls are like Jedi's, they can lift things without even touching them...if you know what I mean. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I can't listen to the radio. Every love song reminds me of you. It hurts. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you were born in the 90's The best P.E. lessons involved a rainbow colored parachute... — Brandon Martin Copy Share Image
This Is The Beginning Of A New Day! You Have Been Given This Day To Use As You Will! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Instead of yelling, I just say ''Caps Lock'' and then speak at a normal volume. — Kand3n Copy Share Image
