I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I did a lot of serious plays, and I did the Oxford Review as well, which is supposed to be funny, but… — Katherine Parkinson Copy Share Image
When I was younger I wanted to be a big movie star who'd get to be funny on talk shows and then… — Scott Thompson Copy Share Image
That Ugly moment When a guy stretches so far , you can see his chubbs and rolls — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I guess we have the press to thank for pushing us to see something we didn't see! — Eva Longoria Copy Share Image
The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking… — Evan Esar Copy Share Image
Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesnt have any pictures of me either — Kendrick Cole Copy Share Image
Things people say when a movie finishes in the theaters: 5% Awesome movie. 5% that was great acting. 90% I gotta pee! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“With a nod, Thorne started down the street. 'This way.' Five steps later, he paused, pondered, turned around. 'No, no, this way.'… — Marissa Meyer Copy Share Image
May you someday have the same right as straight men to subject a spouse to humiliating sex scandals. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's funny how we can remember the lyrics to hundreds of songs, but can't remember anything when we study for a test. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There is this idea in comedy that you don't want to look like you care about your appearance because that takes away… — Steve Howey Copy Share Image
Why go to a church to worship God? A church is man made. God never said, "And let there be aluminum siding."… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
Whenever I see a couple holding hands from far away I sprint & imagine it being the finish line of a 100… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Experience is the key to not making same mistakes again, whatever mistakes you've made is part of building you to understand life… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
His motto is "Love Thy Neighbor". His neighbor is an 18 year old hooker. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
