Once again, the only reason I'm tweeting is to ignore this bum asking me to roll down my window. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Before smartphones life was terrible. I practically never stepped in dog shit. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
It's difficult for me to tell whether girls like me for who I am as a person. Damn my incredibly massive penis. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
When someone let you go first and said, ladies first, say bitches follow — Green Monk Copy Share Image
True friends are like diapers they never leave your ass, even if they are full of shit. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Walter Plinge, the inventor of predictive text, has died. His funfair will be hello on sundial. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you have sex with their wives, and then you… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
The first woman who decided that tights are pants should get the Nobel Peace Prize. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Dear circle, Do you ever wake up in the morning and realize your life is pointless? Sincerely, square. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I think my baby might be connected to Al-Qaeda the way she blows up her diapers. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
My wife is a Bisexual. I have to Buy her things, for her to become Sexual.... — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Lets play post office¦ Lick You, stick you, and send you on your way... — Green Monk Copy Share Image
My wife's mad at me again. She wanted to make a sex video last night and all I did was suggest we… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I hope I live to be 100 if only just to mess with people by telling them fake reasons why I lived… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I hate when people see me at the supermarket and are like, HEY, what are you doing here? and I'm like, Oh… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Women fake headaches to get out of sex with a man, and a man will risk getting a Viagra headache to have… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I wonder if you have unprotected phone sex if you can get hearing aids? — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Women fake headaches to get out of having sex with their man, and men fake not being married to have sex with a woman. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I've been told by so many women that I'm a great listener. A majority of them, have big boobs. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Scientists have found that women share the same dna as prawns.. Their heads are full of shit but their pink bits taste amazing! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
When someone is mad and asks you Do I look stupid? Don't answer them just stare curiously at them — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Passion is a strong emotional desire of love and hate to humans or objects — Green Monk Copy Share Image
You may love a girl very deeply... But u CANNOT express it more deeper than... 5, 6 or 7 inches... — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Note To Females: You cant blame the entire male genre just because you were attracted to some assholes. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you can't understand what someone has said even though they have repeated it four times — Green Monk Copy Share Image
