I don't know if the art of stand-up will survive. Stand-up seems dated. Now you can do a mini-movie or a short… — George Lopez Copy Share Image
Angie, I've seen my mom wrestle two cops to the ground with a taser dart in her neck, and you cry when… — George Lopez Copy Share Image
You know how Mexican restaurants always have "border" in the name: Border Grill, Border Cafe. You wouldn't do that to black people:… — George Lopez Copy Share Image
Y'know, if those pews reclined, and the priests gave the Raiders scores I'd go to church every Sunday. — George Lopez Copy Share Image
From now on, we're home schooling you. Whatever we don't know, you don't know. When did the Korean War start? I don't… — George Lopez Copy Share Image
Presents? We already bought you a lot of things. Member when we were at the market and I bought you gum? You'member. — George Lopez Copy Share Image
When I was 10 there wasnt trampolines and cartoon charaters, I never went to Chuck E Cheese! My mom said ' you… — George Lopez Copy Share Image
I'm a big fan of reality shows. I thought the first one, Dukes of Hazzard, captured white people perfectly. — George Lopez Copy Share Image
At the factory, I deal with ex-cons, substance abusers, and sexual harassers. And I'm not just talking about my mom. — George Lopez Copy Share Image
George: Why've you had a grudge against your brother for 15 years? Benny: We Lopezes are a proud people... George: You have… — George Lopez Copy Share Image
Barack Obama may be black, but John McCain is the first Albino presidential candidate: he's completely see-through! — George Lopez Copy Share Image
As long as you're a tax deduction, you'll always be safe in my house. — George Lopez Copy Share Image
I think it's easier for African American and white comics to be praised than it is Latinos because they think our culture or our… — George Lopez Copy Share Image
I've spent days in cinemas answering questions from the audience, in interviews, travelling abroad, and all they do is thank me nicely. — George Lopez Copy Share Image
Everything will be seen on your computer or BlackBerry or whatever devices we will be seeing in the future. Comedians will put their content… — George Lopez Copy Share Image
They were putting together a book for her birthday of all her friends, and they asked me to fill out a blank piece of… — George Lopez Copy Share Image
The jewelry stores say, 'Tell your wife you love her with a diamond,' while wives tell you they love you with, 'Ok, but just… — George Lopez Copy Share Image
By the time I was 11, I wanted to be a comedian. So all those years later, I've managed to achieve my dream as… — George Lopez Copy Share Image
You know, you walk through this hotel, you're not going to see all white people; you're not going to see all black people; you're… — George Lopez Copy Share Image
No Angie, it's instant. Like when someone trips in the cafeteria and you're laughing so hard milk comes out of your nose, the guy… — George Lopez Copy Share Image
I don't know if the art of stand-up will survive. Stand-up seems dated. Now you can do a mini-movie or a short with a… — George Lopez Copy Share Image
Angie, I've seen my mom wrestle two cops to the ground with a taser dart in her neck, and you cry when your shoes… — George Lopez Copy Share Image
