Funny Quotes by Anonymous · Page 42

Did You Know About My relationship with my sibling(s)? We're pretty close. Although, my older sister and I argue a lot:P

— Anonymous

I'm so glad my dog can't talk...he knows to much...

— Anonymous

A Big Mac, Large fries, and a DIET Coke? You must really be watching your calories. Don't be too hard on yourself.

— Anonymous

My dog only eats top-quality organic treats and its own feces.

— Anonymous

How to put on skinny jeans: 1. Grab belt loops 2. Jump around like a bunny 3. Twerk for a few minutes…

— Anonymous

That awkward moment when you slip and say 'f**ck you' to your mom.

— Anonymous

My relationship is like an iPad; I don't have an iPad.

— Anonymous

SO TUREEE :D

— Anonymous

Playing a music bring you into another life; I mean your heartbeat

— Anonymous

If your plan A doesnt work, dont sweat it. The alphabet has 25 more letters.

— Anonymous

Girl: ugh my throat really hurts. Boy: I bet your knees do too. Her: What? Boy: What?

— Anonymous

I take insults to my dog more personally than insults to myself.

— Anonymous

Men are like bank accounts,without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

— Anonymous

I hope karma slaps you in the face before I do.

— Anonymous

A man without a woman is a bachelor. A woman without a man is a genius.

— Anonymous

When you're a teenager, 'No' is a complete sentence.

— Anonymous

DIRTY FIGHTER! all the kids hollered. I stop punching and looked up,mystified. Down on the island,this was the way we'd always fought.

— Anonymous

The broccoli says I look like small tree The mushroom says I look like an umbrella The walnut says I look like…

— Anonymous

I'm boycotting Bastille Day because I'm still upset about France not supporting a war we were totally wrong about.

— Anonymous

Children must always wear a seat belt...Except if you put 50 of them in one vehicle.

— Anonymous

I know every day is a gift, but where's the receipt for Mondays? I want to exchange it for another Friday.

— Anonymous

Men are like parking spaces, all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.

— Anonymous

You must be a special kind of stupid to think acting like a jerk is attractive to girls.

— Anonymous

I've heard that the eyes are the window to the heart, so I bought me a new pair of shades.

— Anonymous

I believe husbands should be like kleenex soft, strong, and disposable.

— Anonymous

Im not your type Im not inflatable

— Anonymous

You know the Hulk? That is what the Green Giant looks like when you don't eat your vegetables.

— Anonymous

Being on birth control means I can stop worrying about an unplanned pregnancy and focus entirely on worrying about achieving an orgasm.

— Anonymous

F you love someone, tell them. because hearts are often broken by words left unspoken..

— Anonymous

Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repair man arrives

— Anonymous

I don't care what your gender is, I'm calling you dude.

— Anonymous

Look at the keyboard, U and I are together. Look underneath, itsays JK..

— Anonymous

Seeing a guy after the summer and thinking DAMN PUBERTY DID SOME GOOD STUFF FOR HIM

— Anonymous

Xbox Live - The only way nerds get invited to parties.

— Anonymous

Standing Up: Wow! I'm actually kinda skinny! Sitting Down: Okay maybe not..

— Anonymous

My idea of a good morning is one when I open my eyes, take a deep breath, then go back to sleep.

— Anonymous

If you think sex is a big pain in the ass, try different position.

— Anonymous

Im liveing prof that blonds can bee smarrt!

— Anonymous

Ghetto Translations: Shit just got real = The situation has escalated to the highest point of seriousness and is no longer a…

— Anonymous

I miss you like Obama misses the point.

— Anonymous