People get burned out in big families, you can even see it in the naming of children. Like the first kid, "You… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I was raised in a family where my father was the first one to go to college. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
If I was on an airplane, the people in coach would know who I am. But no one in first class would… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I've had plenty of friends tell me that their first time doing stand-up, they do well, and then they tank for a… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I don't know about you, but when they first introduced bottled water, I thought it was so funny, I was like "Bottled… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Comedy is a very lucrative business now, but when everyone first went into it, it didn't make sense from a financial standpoint. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Who was the first person to walk into a harbor and say, "Whatever that horrible smell is I want to eat it" — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I definitely write about things that are universal, that everyone can identify with. You're supposed to write about things you're passionate about… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I think it's great some hotels provide stationery. Because the first thing I like to do when I get to a hotel… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Stand-up comedy in the end, unlike the rest of the entertainment industry, is a meritocracy. There's a certain level of undeniability you can work… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I think growing up in Indiana prepares anyone for a life in comedy. I do feel like there is a certain kind of self-effacing… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“The song goes, “Morning has broken,” and I’m pretty sure my children broke it. Like everything else they break, if they did break it,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Babies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Isn't it strange -- when you're single, all you see is couples, and when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but it is 4th of July. And I need the energy if I'm… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“If you complain about how you spend your Saturdays taking your kid to birthday parties, that means you are taking your kid to birthday… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
