You know Kim Jong Un, the evil dictator of North Korea? Apparently, a guy in his inner circle used his ashtray while… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
You like science? You enjoy science? Always use it for good, never for evil. Can you promise me that? — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Happy birthday to evil North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. He gathered family and friends together and celebrated by executing a few… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I think the number one public-relations blunder Osama has made is that he lives in a cave-fortress and if there's one thing… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
President Obama is in China. Also in China is evil Russian dictator Vladimir Putin. They're both in China at the same time.… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Remember evil Russian dictator Vladimir Putin? He vanished for 10 days. He had disappeared and there were a lot of rumors. One… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Well, the manhunt continues for that elusive evil mastermind, but I'm telling you Enron CEO Kenneth Lay remains at large. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Two things you need to know about taxes. They've extended the deadline to April 18, and when you write your check, just make it… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
You know Kim Jong Un, the evil dictator of North Korea? Apparently, a guy in his inner circle used his ashtray while smoking and… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
It's the first day of spring. That means this weekend I'll take down my Christmas lights. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
There are a lot of New York City Thanksgiving traditions. For example, a lot of New Yorkers don't buy the frozen Thanksgiving turkey. They… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I can hardly wait until Donald Trump announces his celebrity cabinet. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Experts say this global warming is serious, and they are predicting now that by the year 2050, we will be out of party ice. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it's been 25 years since… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Do I think there is a heaven? Uh, yeah I do. Like a really big gymnasium. How do I see myself there? With really… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
If it wasn't for coffee, I'd have no discernible personality at all. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
