Dogs don't lie and why should I? Strangers come they growl and bark, they know their loved ones in the dark, Now… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
When the country goes temporarily to the dogs, cats must learn to be circumspect, walk on fences, sleep in trees, and have… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
The audience is invisible and that's good. Somewhere my voice is drifting through a swine barn and the sound of it seems… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“I longed for the pitter-patter of little feet, so I got a dog. It’s cheaper, and you get more feet.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
You're such a big liar you gotta get your neighbor to call your dog. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
When writing loses touch with the beautiful surface of the world, it loses its way. You always want to be in touch… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
The socially redeeming aspect of golf lies in the vast number of lawyers and bankers and managers who play it, and when you think… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Ha! Easy for nuns to talk about giving up things. That's what they do for a living. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Before the world was made, when it was only darkness and mist and waters, God was well aware of Lake Wobegon, my family, our… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
On investments, 1998: Where I'm from we don't trust paper. Wealth is what's here on the premises. If I open a cupboard and see,… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“The rich can afford to be progressive. Poor people have reason to be afraid of the future.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
English is the perfect language for preachers because it allows you to talk until you think of what to say. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“If you can't read a simple goddam sign and follow one simple goddam instruction then get your fat butt the hell out of here.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“The Gospel is meant to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
