There was nowhere to sit except the bunk, which was covered with rotting food, and a wooden stool, upon which sat a… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Derangement is the only possible explanation for owning a cat, an animal whose preferred mode of communication is to sink its claws… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
You've read newspaper stories about elderly widows who die and leave their entire estates to their pet cats, right? Well, your cat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Dogs would make totally incompetent criminals. If you could somehow get a group of dogs to understand the concept of the Kennedy… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Unlike cats dogs never scratch you when you wash them. They just become very sad and try to figure out what they… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Do not put this product in a big vat and drop rats into it from a cat-walk. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
