“A brick is to a blanket, as the moon is to Sun Tzu. Fear my fearlessness! ” — Jarod Kintz Fear Copy Share Image
“I make love like a leprechaun, and I cuddle like a rainbow—after a shower.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“If taxis were patriotic symbols, I’d flag one down on the Fourth of July.” — Jarod Kintz Patriotic Copy Share Image
“Love is all around. I don’t need your leftovers, ma’am. Not unless you’re offering meatloaf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I close my eyes and feel the texture of brick on my fingers in my mind. I try to imagine the wall… — Jarod Kintz Psychology Copy Share Image
“You can call me Dr. Love. I’ve got a PhD from Cupid University. My degree came with a side order of fries… — Jarod Kintz Cupid Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to stop a bleeding wound. Though just between you and me, I’d prefer to be bandaged by… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I talked to a mother of nine last night, and I thought, “Nine is nine years too young to be a mother.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I think the perfect pen name is Quill McSeagull. Especially for writing flights of fancy—and nothing has more feathers than a love… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I have a favorite cemetery I go to, because it’s really clean and the doctors and nurses are all very nice.” — Jarod Kintz Cemetery Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to create another way. There is no other way but to make another way. We simply must! ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It is Father’s Day today. I should probably call all three of mine and say Hello, and thanks for possibly pumping my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m world famous. Throughout the globe—north, south, east, and west—there are literally four people who know my name. It’s great to have… — Jarod Kintz Around the world Copy Share Image
“I was crying on the inside, but on the outside, to the casual observer, and to the man who was dying, I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to show support for your favorite team. They want to crush their opponents, and if you’ve got… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I would give you my grandma’s slow-knitted Duck Soup dance-routine recipe, but my grandpa sold it to Roger Bannister for three minutes… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Money is a chameleon. It can transform itself into any representation. Sometimes money looks like a pile of cheeseburgers, and other times… — Jarod Kintz Chameleon Copy Share Image
“If there are two clones, one good and one evil, I can’t kill on sight alone. It’s the same with love. Some… — Jarod Kintz Clones Copy Share Image
“The rumor is that my cousin dates phoenix sculptures made out of cheese. It has to be true, because it's too weird… — Jarod Kintz Food Copy Share Image
“You can’t write with dry ink. Likewise, using another author’s dried words to make your writing more fluid is not only dishonest,… — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“Green bananas are a go, and yellow bananas are a caution: these are too mushy to consume.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used like a cat, if it were furry and purred. ” — Jarod Kintz Cats Copy Share Image
“A blanket is a coffin, if the cops are after you and you have to dump a body quick. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My girl didn’t step out on me. She just stood in the doorway and wouldn’t close the door.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Women want me, and men want to be me. And by me I mean Ryan Gosling.” — Jarod Kintz Feminism Copy Share Image
“I held her, but that wasn’t enough to hold us together. That’s where the glue came in.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll piss in a cup for you. You can run a drug test on it, or you can drink it.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m a nail biter. Not when I’m nervous, but when I misplace my hammer.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I would rather build a relationship than a wall. Can you pass me another brick?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Only cowards never tire of cowering. I try to milk the cower for all it’s worth.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“With a last name like Elov, you’d probably have a mixed up love life.” — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“My ex was the shape of a planet, and when she wore a belt, that planet was Saturn.” — Jarod Kintz Saturn Copy Share Image
“If my voice sounded like a dial tone, people would probably hang up on me all the time.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be flipped over and turned endlessly. But it still won’t start your car. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I threw out my sausage, and replaced it with a healthier penis metaphor, like a cucumber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
