“I don’t like dirt, because nothing is dirtier. Except politics. ” — Jarod Kintz Dirt Copy Share Image
“When I talk about love, people listen. And when I listen about love, people talk.” — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“I should create a TV show called 61 Minutes. It’ll be like 60 Minutes—only more.” — Jarod Kintz Television Copy Share Image
“A brick could be placed on a conveyer belt. It will revolutionize the construction industry! ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I traded in my car with no gas in the tank and my new car came with a full tank. So I… — Jarod Kintz New car Copy Share Image
“At the Peabody Hotel, you’ll find two things: a pea and a body. Was it murder by starvation? Come spend the night… — Jarod Kintz Hotel Copy Share Image
“When faced with two equally tough choices, most people choose the third choice: to not choose.” — Jarod Kintz Choice Copy Share Image
“I sing into burritos like they're microphones. If you want my autograph, you’re going to have to wait until the end of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Do you even listen to what I say? Would you be able to listen better if you were wearing a football helmet… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have a handicap on the golf course like you wouldn’t believe. It’s more than a limp, and less than a wheelchair.” — Jarod Kintz Golf Copy Share Image
“I ate a rainbow in a bowl, because it’s better than eating rain soup. Food and water aren’t supposed to be one… — Jarod Kintz Rain Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to sail with the wind. That wind is provided by my ceiling fan, and my boat is… — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“If you’re wearing a space suit, I’ll take a unicrescent sandwich; hold the mayonnaise—and the moon. (But don’t hold it in your… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I was laughing in the park, when I saw some fool throwing what I thought was a bomb. It turned out to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Thor pushes the empty wheelbarrow by me and I decide to say something. “Wheelbarrows are great, huh? They make even the lightest… — Jarod Kintz Wheelbarrows Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to help you become the next Great American Novelist. Hopefully after you use it to crack your… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am a rebel! But I don’t want people to agree with my views, because if everyone agreed with me then I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have assigned myself a Hooray Factor of five. This is the top level, and is the only level that has a… — Jarod Kintz Reflection In The Mirror Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make people smile. But the blanket won’t make just anyone smile—it will make people with no… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I went on a blind date last night. We watched a silent film. We stayed up all night talking in sign language.… — Jarod Kintz Blind date Copy Share Image
“I’d rather be the fastest runner than the best fighter. But then I am a supreme coward.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used like sandpaper, to smooth out a cat’s rough tongue. ” — Jarod Kintz Sandpaper Copy Share Image
“My teeth are filthy, so to impress my dentist I compensate by wearing too much cologne.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
Its what you do in your free time that will set you freeor enslave you.¨ — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you catch me talking in my sleep, your conversation bored me.” — Jarod Kintz Bored Copy Share Image
“I’m a tiger made out of a paper towel, and I’m going to wipe you out.” — Jarod Kintz Tiger Copy Share Image
“Your deodorant smells like my armpit. And yet I get no royalty from the manufacturer.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“To me, life is sad, like a piano with no pedals being played by a person with no fingers. ” — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“Like a river, I’m going to meander through the party. Will you be my canoe? ” — Jarod Kintz River Copy Share Image
