“If you want to know what love is for, the answer is “other people.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I don’t like tit for tat. I like tit for tit. Bring on the boobies!” — Jarod Kintz Boobies Copy Share Image
“If love melted like a statue made of butter, would you consider me a pancake or a waffle?” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A bird once sent out its mating call and in return got the siren of an ambulance.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“His name is Randy Randy. Or maybe it’s Randy Randy. I always get his first and last names mixed up.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“To let her imagine how great a lover I’d be, I ate soup with chopsticks. She went home with another man, but… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
I just recently figured out how mirrors work. Pretty cool. That guy always hungrily staring at my naked body was me! — Jarod Kintz Mirrors Copy Share Image
“I’m sleepin’ in your pee pee, and I’m dreaming of what could be.” That’s just the chorus of a little love song… — Jarod Kintz Dreaming Copy Share Image
“I got my windshield replaced for no apparent reason. So now I have a new windshield that looks exactly like my old… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“He looked me right in my eyes and told me he just ate a sandwich, and I had to call him on… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Cryptozoology 101: It’s an exciting class because it’s mythological, and may or may not exist.” — Jarod Kintz Mythological Copy Share Image
“With friends like me, who needs mannequins? My love for you is statuesque. Come, let us dance like we’re made of stone.” — Jarod Kintz Dance Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to gauge the level of reciprocated sexual interest of the person or object of your desire. A… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I run through all the positive character qualities in my mind, and assign myself a number from 1-10 on where I think… — Jarod Kintz Confidence Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You wanted to go for a walk, and I wanted to start a parade. I suggested… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used like Lenny McDenny says hello. He never says hi, because he only says goodbye. He’s always leaving… — Jarod Kintz Good food Copy Share Image
“You wouldn’t remove a wristwatch with a hacksaw, just like you wouldn’t remove an employee with Vanishing Varnish. Vanishing Varnish doesn’t remove… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be placed in the center of a silver platter, surrounded by leafy green garnishes to compliment the red of… — Jarod Kintz Next time Copy Share Image
“The mobster came by my establishment and said I needed protection. “Nope,” I replied, “I’ve already got protection.” Then I showed him… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“What if dating apps are mostly populated by Deep Fakes, designed to get you to waste your life swiping right and keep… — Jarod Kintz Absurd Copy Share Image
