“Today was so cold that the wind froze my words as I spoke them and they fell silently like snow. I tried… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s easy to see what to do once it’s already been done. The difficult time is before it’s to be done, and… — Jarod Kintz Difficult time Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to instill courage in the cowardly. But training must begin at birth, and the weak identified while… — Jarod Kintz Courage Copy Share Image
“The important issues, once you’ve taken them on, you can’t take them off. What do you think they are, panties?” — Jarod Kintz Important issues Copy Share Image
“I’m great at making love, at least for the first 20 bucks, and for about 30 minutes after that I just sort… — Jarod Kintz Investing Copy Share Image
“Sunday nights I get about two inches of sleep. But I make do, because that’s all the erection I can muster.” — Jarod Kintz Nights Copy Share Image
“Brick” could be the name of a restaurant. But so could “Blah,” “Gruel,” and “A Taste of the Gulag.” ” — Jarod Kintz Restaurant Copy Share Image
“I am the bow of love. I’m also the bow of hate. Same spelling, different pronunciations and meanings. Would you like me… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“At first I thought my wife and I were made for each other. It was as if we came out of the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She was in Tennessee, and I was in Florida, and she said, “You’re too far away!” And I said, “I know. My… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is the hero of all emotions. My love for you is a superhero, and it looks great hidden behind a mask.” — Jarod Kintz Hero Copy Share Image
“I drive by the spot of my injury, because each time I do, the pain lessens, and it teaches me a lesson.” — Jarod Kintz Injury Copy Share Image
“Before job interviews, I think: What color tie best represents me as a person this company would be interested in?” — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“I am an uncle, though this is not a new feeling for me, as I’ve been one before. I’ve also been 2… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I said goodbye too early, and then stood there enjoying the awkwardness of her lingering presence.” — Jarod Kintz Awkwardness Copy Share Image
“My grandmother got approved right before the law changed, so naturally she got grandfathered in. In related news, but completely unrelated, I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“With the money I spend on alcohol, I could support a family of four, assuming they are all heavy drinkers.” — Jarod Kintz Drinkers Copy Share Image
“The word "sex" has no sex. It is androgynous and probably asexual. And even though I have sex (my sex is male),… — Jarod Kintz Sexuality Copy Share Image
“Sure, I pee in the pool. But that’s only because I don’t have a sink big enough to swim in. I fear… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The eye of a hurricane is a real Cyclops, and confusing a blink with a wink can be deadly. Sometimes I flirt… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The basketball team was trailing by three points. I trail by four points—north, south, east, and west. I also trail by covered… — Jarod Kintz Basketball Copy Share Image
“Earwax is nothing more than sound boogers. I’m too congested to hear anything but I love you. Not that I expect you… — Jarod Kintz Boogers Copy Share Image
“With friends like me, who needs mannequins? My love for you is statuesque. Come, let us dance like we’re made of stone.” — Jarod Kintz Dance Copy Share Image
“I feel like something warm. Apple pie, with two slices of bread and roast beef, covered in a winter coat.” — Jarod Kintz Apple pie Copy Share Image
“The girl I’m in love with told me she’s moving on. Should I cry or scream? Or should I make a new… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I carry your love like a backpack. I only wish your love had a larger cargo capacity, and had zippers instead of… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I’d rather be snorkeling in the sea of love. But instead I’m stuck here, in a fully paid, all-inclusive resort in the… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I am not into nudity on camera, but I would love to wear a banana peel over my penis and eat cat… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A writer edits his thoughts more thoroughly the more readers he has. You can tell I only have two readers, myself included.” — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“I want to have a punctuation mark on my face. I’d like to shape my mustache into a tilde sign.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My brakes sound like my horn, and my car’s bumper is bumpy enough to be brail. My ideal reader would be a… — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“I can fly a plane, but I can’t fly a planet. Not without a seatbelt the size of the equator. The way… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I knew everything, life would be lonely, as everyone else would want to explore the world, and I’d be content with… — Jarod Kintz Cats Copy Share Image
“Ryan Lilly is a Seth Godin fan, and that says something. Being a Helen Keller fan speaks volumes about me as a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Which half do you want me to cut in half, Mr. Halfofhalf? The name’s Onequarter. Johnny Onequarter. And don’t you forget it.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m an open book—an open book I’m still writing and editing. My book is a romance novel, sort of like The Secret.” — Jarod Kintz Book Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a boat, and due to the brick’s reputation of indestructibility, we could call the boat “The… — Jarod Kintz Titanic Copy Share Image
“Are you OK with pissing people off to succeed? Because that’s what will happen. Success pisses off the unsuccessful.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can’t go out tonight, because unfortunately I’m all tied up at the moment. I’m not busy, but I am kidnapped.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket and a brick could be put in a ring and paid to fight. Compared to MMA, it would be boring.… — Jarod Kintz Boxing Copy Share Image
