“After we made love, I didn’t want her to leave. At least not before she did the dishes.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Sometimes love feels thinner, even though it’s the same width as before.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I make love like I make lasagna. Makes me hungry just thinking about it.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“As much as I want to make love to you, I’d rather make love to your clone.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The greatest thing in the world is love. But the worst isn’t hate, it’s ignoringance.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We made love like a slice of French toast trying to act like an English muffin.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is a circular emotion that surrounds you, like a hug. Or a noose.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like Atlantis, OK? And I’m just a humble scuba diver searching for treasure that I can exchange for sexual favors.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Rain is a nudist’s shower, and I want a bathtub the size of a lake. Then we could make love like your… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I fell in love with her the moment she was late, though neither one of us knew it at the time because… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I describe love to an emotional Helen Keller, I usually say it has four legs, fur, and possesses the ability to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m in love with the customer service at Walmart. And by customer service I mean the customer is forced to self-checkout because… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My fingers itch, and the more I scratch the more it tickles. Tickle, itch, tickle, itch, this whole experience reminds me of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I built my ex wife a Castle of Love, and she dug a moat and filled it with sharks and lawyers. Oh… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Our relationship is like ten turtles marching along, followed by seven beetles, with each carrying one monosyllabic word on its back. You… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love isn’t stackable and interlocking, like boxes or Legos. Love is like a one-legged man standing on a three-legged chair that is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love isn’t a series of slogans like “Just do it,” “It’s the real thing,” or “Go ahead, stick it in my butt.”… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A sample may taste better than the whole, because it’s meant for a taste test, which is perceptually expected to garner favorable… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you asked me if I’d rather make love to you, or have my balls cut out with the spine of a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you don’t know what love feels like, you’re in luck, because I just finished making a new pair of Love Gloves.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love were a collection of collections, would your relationship be banged-up baseball cards, or famous art? My love for you is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The only reason I don’t know more about love is because there just isn’t more to know. In fact, I’ve reduced love… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I removed all the doors to our love, so you can’t lock yourself away from me. But I didn’t stop there. I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Don’t search for a void to fill. Find a vacuum to carpet. Let this be a lesson in love.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used like love. But not my love, because my love is more like a blanket. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d rather fall in molten lava than fall in love. But I suppose that’s just the romantic me.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I make love like the desert. Ever implemented a cactus during foreplay?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best birthday present is an empty box. Smile, it contains all my love for you.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am the alphabet soup of love. Eat me or read me, but don’t feed me to the cats.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am the Zam Maz of love. Or at least I will be, once 572w167e74zx2.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I clench your love in my butt cheeks, along with all my hard-earned cash.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am Mr. Needleneeds, and I’m looking for a haystack. It’s easier to find than love.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I left a jar in the doorway to leave the door ajar, but love never walked in.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Is love a gift from heaven? If it is, it’s often wrapped in disinterest and rejection.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Out of love I made you a cake. Also out of milk, eggs, flour, sugar, and vanilla.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
