“I just wrote the book of love. Well, I coauthored it with Cupid and Nicholas Sparks.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Water is nearly invisible. So is my love. Drink it in, but don’t choke on it.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She said “I love you,” and I said the only thing I could say: “How about every other Tuesday?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I long for your love like shortness of breath. Somebody get me an inhaler!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am a love factory. I make love out of high quality plastics at an affordable price.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
If I had no penis, how would I pee? How would I make love? How would I think? — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I blink like a blanket. I’m not asleep—this extended motionlessness is how I make love.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My love for you would blot out the sun like a cloud made out of yogurt. I hope you brought a spoon.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I ask you, “What about love?”, there is no wrong answer. Unless you answered 34. That is definitely wrong.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If Twinkies grew on trees, as nature intended, then I would like to irrigate your fertile valley. When we make love, bring… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I always feel elfish around noonish, and selfish around 12:01. The best time to be in love is between those two points.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The last time I saw love was in my imagination while reading a book on Thomas Jefferson. Isn’t the Constitution of the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She looked like the kind of woman I could fall in love with. Trouble is, she was standing next to the kind… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to line the walls of the Love Chamber, to soundproof it so that nobody hears you scream. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t know where you’re going, or even why you’re going, but I sure am glad that you are going. Be sure… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I asked her if she’d give me all her love, and she flatly said no. I got excited because while she said… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I collected dust, I wouldn’t mind if I got dust on it. My collection would grow and accumulate naturally. Probably my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m always 15 minutes early for everything. In fact, I was born 15 minutes early. That’s why my love is always a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Toothpaste pie is no substitute for swishing around minty-fresh love in your mouth and then rinsing out with cold, refreshing reality. But… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You asked how long I’ve loved you, and I replied, “About 5,280 feet.” It was true.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wrote a coded love note in my report for work. All the letters you need to read what I wrote are… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I love pan pizza. I love pans. I love Peter Pan. I love Peter, but not as much as I love Paul.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You’d never been in an elevator before, and I’d never been in love. I said I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She asked for soup, and I served her cereal. Our love was in the breakfast stage.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It seems that in love, I have no match. It also seems that with firewood, I have no match.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love smells like a flower in bloom. A flower that's sitting on a pile of steaming feces.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I keep my love in the fridge, next to my meat, because you simply can’t beat it.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll tell you about love on one condition: that you give it to me unconditionally.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I talk about love, people listen. And when I listen about love, people talk.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I make love like a balloon, and fortunately, my lover is a blow up doll.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I made love in a HAZMAT suit. I think I contaminated the relationship.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I make sleep like I make love, only with more energy and excitement.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I often wonder how far I’d go for love. I guess it all depends on the price of gas. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I postulate that there is something stickier than semen. That substance is love.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am the Love Camel of Llama Land. Come, hop on my hump and let me lead you to water.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
