“Even though I buried our love in a coffin, it isn’t dead. No, our love is very much alive. Or at least… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have a protective coating, like a tank. It’s called Love. And when I get you naked, I’ll want to make war… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am the egg salad sandwich of love. The only problem is, I’m in the mood for a tuna fish sandwich—hold the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“As a balloon expands, so too does my love for you with each passing day. To know how I truly feel about… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A man who claims to be 32 degrees is one freezing freemason. That man must make love with all the warmth of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I surround myself with salt, so it soaks up the humidity from my steamy solo love making sessions.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is what you make it. Unfortunately, I can’t make it today, as I have a doctor’s appointment.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll take off my coat in the restaurant and drape it over my pants, which I’ll drape over your chair. I hope… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used like yellow sneezes hello every time love walks like a slinky down the stairs. Who used my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as one ingredient on the greedy Cake of Love. Other ingredients include: Everything. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My love is like hooray! Special terms and conditions may apply. See dealer for details. Coupon not valid with any other offer.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My drug of choice is love. Sure, I’ve tried other drugs, but no other drug gets both the dealer and user high… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Question for your life: If love existed an octave above where your vocal range ended, would you buy a dog whistle to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We can’t be lovers because we both have mustaches. But since you’re a lady, and I’m a gentleman, I’ll shave mine off.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The moment I laid eyes on her I knew she was somebody else, somebody I could love. And since somebody else never… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is the thing that holds life together. Sort of like rind to a melon, cloth to a stuffed animal, or money… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Even when we’re old, I’ll still look at you with the same eyes. (Who else’s eyes am I going to look at… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“People love to love, but I love to sleep, and that is why cats are closer to God than bricks are to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d rather make love to a robot than a politician, because it’d be more personable. Anyway, talking vacuum cleaners with flesh and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We made love like a John and a hooker, despite the fact that my name’s Jarod. Ah, but that’s life, no?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is snowy, like the raincloud I left in the freezer. I would ski on the slope of your kiss, but I’d… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love, I wrote the book on it. Unfortunately, nobody would publish it, so I felt compelled to burn my manuscript.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is a good thing. Not starving to death is also a good thing. Being in love with a man named Mr.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
