“I got your love out of the umbrella cabinet. I hope you weren’t saving it for a rainy day.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am the William Wallace of love. Wait, no I’m not, I’m the Robert the Bruce.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is as old as time, though it is considerably more difficult to stuff inside a watch.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If something earthly reminds you of something ethereal, then it must be love.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like a cookie. Maybe I should have ordered crackers with my condom soup.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I like spending all my time making things with my hands. Mostly I make love to myself.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to show love, by providing warmth, comfort, and an itchiness of desire that cannot be satisfied by… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s always something to talk about, even if you talk about how there is nothing to talk about. Of course, I’m talking… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am the dinosaur of love. Specifically, I am a pterodactyl, and you are my silent “p.” Stay quiet woman!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can’t see the wind. I can only see the effects of the wind, namely your love always being carried away from… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The earth has lots of love to give, if you just know where to dig. My advice is start in the cemetery.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am the archaeologist of love. I’m digging for the bones of a loved one I shot and buried decades ago.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love doesn’t just have arms to embrace you; it also has arms that attach to the hands that slowly strangle you.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“On a scale of 1-10, fish have them. Scales—fish have scales, and I have 10 of them. Fish—I have 10, and I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I tried to mail our love, it’s irregular shape and unknowable dimensions would make it difficult to box up. That’s why… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Thirty three thousand, three hundred and thirty three things. That’s all I need to get by. Oh, and I guess I also… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My writing doesn’t improve if you think it’s great, and it doesn’t lessen if you think it sucks. Likewise, you not showing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We were in love. When I say we, I don’t mean her and I. I mean me and my clone were in… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love isn’t measured in feet and miles, it’s measured in hands and hands on. (Yesterday at 3:33 pm I spoke to the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t have a tan because I only come out at night. The only sun I get is reflected off the moon.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to share my thoughts with you. Press your forehead firmly against mine, and let my mind transfer to yours. You… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We couldn’t make love, unfortunately, because she was dead. I didn’t kill her, if that’s what you’re wondering. She died long before… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I make love with the accuracy of Joe Montana, and from a distance of up to 100 yards.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love has already put on its pants by the time you realize your diaper needs to be changed.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Your love is my candy, and I wouldn’t dream of trying to give it away to strange children.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I make love like I make coffee. Tuesdays and Thursdays I offer free refills. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am approximately 96.694444% in love with you. Of course, that’s just a rough estimate.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My love is like an empty bottle of wine. If you’re wondering, my ex wife drank it all.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I meant to spear her with my love, but bad breath got in the way. Next time I’ll spearmint.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I told you I make love like a rainbow, would you be my leprechaun?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like a cloudless blue sky. That’s why I always carry an open umbrella.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I eat fog for breakfast, and I shit out steamy love scenes from the 80s.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You can’t steal what no man owns. Like my love, for example. It’s owned exclusively by women.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We had a mythical love. Some would say, including her, that it didn’t exist.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
