“Love is like learning to ride a midget, which I’ve never done because I’m afraid of heights.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love were a variety of dog, I’d want mine hot. I’d take my love with ketchup and mustard.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
Love is the most amazing feeling in the world. Let me double check. Yep, love is a feeling. — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is 90% what life is about, plus or minus 10%. Of course, I just made both figures up, and made-up figures… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like a blanket: it will keep you warm, but it might also suffocate you. Also, it's probably covered with cat… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wanted to say Thank You in sign language, but instead I sneezed and ended up shooting out an I love you.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“What can I say about love that’s never been said by me or anyone else? Well, sometimes love smells like my farts,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love came out of exhaust pipes, like a penis that penetrated deep into one, then maybe the world could use more… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is something to be cherished, like the toy at the bottom of a box of cereal. And just as a warning,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“To me, love is either a pebble, a rock, or a boulder. Or a grain of sand, if you’re trying to measure… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The fastest I’ve ever fallen in love is 17 miles per hour. But I was safe, because I was wearing a bicycle… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is the color of red inverted. At least that’s what Gunnar Greenlove told me, and I believe him because he’s from… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m like a ventriloquist chasing his own voice. I can whisper and shout at the same time, and this is the closest… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I was in the second grade, I used to think love was the feeling a man gets while riding a motorcycle… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My love is like a crumbly cookie. It’s very hard to give all of it to just one person. Try as I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“People ask me all the time, “Jarod, how come you are so much more romantic than anybody else?” And I say, “Simple.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love has a shape, but no color. You’re probably wondering, “If it’s transparent, how do you know what shape it is?” Good… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“L and V, both angular. O and E, both vowels. Coupled together, like a couple of couples coupling and copulating, and you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you’re looking for someone to stand in the unemployment line, I’m the man for the job. And if you’re looking for… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I make conversation like I make love to myself—I let my hands do all the talking.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The only thing that can tame and temper love is love. Also syphilis. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I make love in my bathtub, because there’s only room for one person.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The door of love is squeaky. Would you mind oiling it on your way out?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is more powerful than any gun. Still, I’d recommend wearing a bulletproof vest.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When red fights with white, pink is always the winner. Let that be a lesson in love.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love isn’t the last thing on my mind. The last thing on my mind is my skull.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A flower blooms in my heart. You may call that love, but I call it water conservation.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You’ll drown in my love story, if I ever write it using a fountain pen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
