“Pops: How about you finish this sentence for me, Jason? When a girl says no she means... Justin, looking desperately at me:… — Gena Showalter Copy Share Image
“Daemon!" Dee called from the kitchen. "I need your help!" "We should go see what she's doing before she destroys your kitchen."… — Jennifer L. Armentrout Copy Share Image
Home alone during the day:*dancing* FROM THE WINDOOOOOOOW TO THE WALLL!!! Home alone at night:*squeezes kitchen knife* WHO'STHERE?! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I heard that people were really interested in the new haircut, which I think is so funny. Great haircut, I really like… — Elisabeth Moss Copy Share Image
Why?' He asked. 'Why what?' What could I say? Noah, despite you being an asshole, or maybe because of it, I'd like… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My grandparents would never admit to being Tasmanian, but I think it's really great and funny. But I guess, in the past,… — Jessie Cave Copy Share Image
I have kind of a funny relationship with movies. I don't have to see the whole movie to get an impression of… — Lana Del Rey Copy Share Image
Sometimes I wake up and I think I should start wearing a beret, but I don't do it. One day I'm gonna,… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
No matter how hard you work to bring yourself up, there's someone out there working just as hard, to put you down… — Dr. Dre Copy Share Image
“They have provided a system which for terse comprehensiveness surpasses Justinian's Pandects and the By-laws of the Chinese Society for the Suppression… — Herman Melville Copy Share Image
The novels I planned to write were never going to be funny books about Jews. They were going to be country house… — Howard Jacobson Copy Share Image
I can't relate to lazy people. We don't speak the same language. I don't understand you. I don't want to understand you. — Kobe Bryant Copy Share Image
My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I wanted to be funny for people who didn't care about fashion at all, to just to kind of exist as a… — Ben Stiller Copy Share Image
In every John Waters book, you're like: 'Wait, how can this guy be so funny in a... book?' It's like you can… — Sarah Sherman Copy Share Image
“Over the coun-ter, she might let you mount-her, but in the morning, there’ll be no more whoring, as its off to the… — Sarah Hall Copy Share Image
“Jake fried up the fish, cooked rice with garlic, cilantro and green onions. Someday he was going to make some woman a… — Josh Lanyon Copy Share Image
I think my speeches are hilarious. I think I'm a natural comedian, but I like denying people the chance to laugh. I… — Lydia Lunch Copy Share Image
When you see things upside down, the ego can be extraordinarily funny; it's absurd. But it's tragic at the same time. — Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You were crying, and I couldn’t tell if it was because you were sad or because… — Dora J. Arod Copy Share Image
We spend the first half of our lives trying to grow up and the other half trying to figure out how we… — Nishan Panwar Copy Share Image
“Lucien had never prayed before, never imagined that there might be a deity listening who would be interested in what he had… — Aimee Roseland Copy Share Image
I have more respect for somebody who's like, 'Yeah I like to party, so screw off,' then for Tara , who talks… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Back in the day, When we had stress we got a bottle of Jack and dealt with it… Now a days all… — The Old Man (pawn Stars Copy Share Image
Axone', of course, was on racism, but it was also a kind of representation that hadn't happened ever before of the Northeast… — Sayani Gupta Copy Share Image
It's hard to argue with the government. Remember, they run the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, so they must know a… — Ritu Copy Share Image
'The Decay Of Lying' is a very interesting treatise. It was actually penned as a dialogue between two characters, Cyril and Vyvyan,… — Adrian Dunbar Copy Share Image
If I send you a text and you don'trespond, and then I see you update Facebook at the same time, you're dead… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My opinions are like farts; So hard to hold em in, and when one slips everyones gonna know it and at least… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Mom, I'm doing my homework,I promise. LOL, JK. I just minimized Facebook and opened Google the second you walked in my room — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Shane's orgasmic contribution was an innovative and masterful variation on the theme of oh: “Oh...Oh...oh...oh...oh...oh...oh...oh...AH!” Stretching the waistband of my boxers I… — Gillibran Brown Copy Share Image
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Oh, come on. Don’t tell me you all have never been to Doveport? Our sister city across the sea?” “People don’t say… — Terrance Crawford Copy Share Image
“How many beers do y'all think it takes before one internationally scientist turns to another and says, 'Dude, bet you twenty bucks… — Robyn Schneider Copy Share Image
“Wrangling the cat into the cage proved interesting, and Josie had several scratches before Clint bent down and let out a menacing… — Eve Langlais Copy Share Image
“I should spank you; I didn’t enjoy you impulsively ditching me, but I did enjoy your driving.” “Wait, back up. You…” She… — Amelia Hutchins Copy Share Image
I don't quite recollect how many tumblers of whiskey toddy each man drank after supper; but this I know, that about one… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
It's funny, because I was trained as a dramatic actor at New York's Colonnades Theater Lab in the '70s, along with Jeff… — Peter Scolari Copy Share Image
Ritesh Deshmukh is rock star. He has a lovely family. He works so hard, and he's a great actor. He's funny, friendly,… — Nargis Fakhri Copy Share Image
That annoying moment when you just want to listen to music but someone wants to constantly speak to you, making you pause… — Emanuel Sebastiao Copy Share Image
