I should get a college art credit for the masterpieces I have drawn on my passed out roommates. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Relationships are like farts... If you push too hard things will get messy. — Trent Thomas Copy Share Image
Someone told me I was immature. Guess who's not allowed in my tree house now??? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I was on a game show. When I lost, they gave me a lovely parting gift. It was a comb. — Scott Roeben Copy Share Image
Don't break a girls heart, because she'll probably write a bestselling album about you. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There is nothing so extreme that is not allowed by the custom of some nation or other. — Michel de Montaigne Copy Share Image
You ever had sex while listening to drake? I ended up putting her clothes back on and helped her get back with… — Steph Copy Share Image
Anyone that ever accomplished anything, did not know how they were going to do it. They only knew they were going to… — Bob Proctor Copy Share Image
Isn't it strange that a group of very intelligent individuals combined into a political party become collectively stupid? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I was dating a guy for a while because he told me he had an incurable disease. I didn't realize it was… — Gracie Hart Copy Share Image
“You don’t like my restaurant, Miss Connor?” “I couldn’t say since the waiting list to get in is six months long.” One… — Jenny Lyn Copy Share Image
I have complained to our administration about working the professional attitude of a corrupt officer. Feedback from administration was amazing. Youre terminated.… — Mohd Aariff Khan Copy Share Image
People keep saying that I'm lucky to be naturally funny, that I don't have to work at it. They are wrong. I… — Bob Crane Copy Share Image
Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
