I bet in Africa they play commercials of American stripper girls starving for their father's attention. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Listen closely when your kiddo tell you their dreams. Just puke on them when they laugh. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Dear alarm clock, It might be you they hit on, but it's me they're sleeping with. Sincerely, bed. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Every woman deserves a man who respects her and every man deserves a woman who appreciates his efforts. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Do you ever get the feeling that you're being watched? . . . Because if it's bothering you, I'll stop. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I always keep a baseball bat under my bed in case someone tries to break in and pitch a no-hitter! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
When I was 18 I met with a terrible accident. I was thrown out of a car window... by the boyfriend of… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
If your friends jumped off a cliff, would you? . . . If my friends jumped off a cliff, it would be… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
It's called a joke. Just read it and laugh. Don't try to analyze it and take it literally. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
My teacher said I had a self sabotaging personality when I showed up drunk for traffic school. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
No I dont drink alcohol. Why put something in my body that's so potent it can convince a girl to sleep with… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I didn't know I would hate you this much. I gotta go out with you on vacation again. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Every 6 seconds somewhere a woman is sexually unfulfilled. Every 5 seconds somewhere a man knows it too. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
My girlfriend said she liked to be teased in the bedroom so, last night in bed I told her, Your new glasses… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Fact: The more rhinestones a girl has on her clothes, the easier it is for a guy to take them off. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Of course I look both ways when crossing a one way street. You never know what kind of idiot is behind the… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Women are like computers -- even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval — Green Monk Copy Share Image
A news paper seems more intresting when . . . The person sitting next to you is reading it... — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I hate when people assume I'm crazy & delusional rather than brave when I'm out fighting crime in my Superman costume. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Ladies, if you give men a choice between two things they'll pick the first. They stopped listening and didn't hear the second — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Valentine's Day is only three weeks away. So remember, it's not too late to break-up. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
The adult in me wants Vodka, while the kid in me wants Orange Juice. It's a good thing they get along. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I understand the weight of love. As soon as you fall in love she continually starts to get heavier — Green Monk Copy Share Image
It's impossible to believe that the sperm that created you, beat out 1,000,000 others. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Just saw the weirdest thing. A businessman was walking & wasn't on the phone acting like his call will determine the fate… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
A real man doesn't need a whole lot of women to make him feel like a king, only ONE! The ONE! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Ladies ! Don't be comfortable being anyone's secret . A real man will be more than honored to call you his lady . ¥ — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I must have been really pissed when I drove home last night. We don't own a tractor. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Love is a complicated peice of machinery. Sometimes all you need is a good hammershot to fix it. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
If I had a $1.00 for every time my dad called me a failure…I wouldn't be a failure anymore — Green Monk Copy Share Image
If I found out I only had a week to live, and could go anywhere in the world, I think I'd go… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
When you're given a second chance, it's because God thought it was funny when you screwed up the first time and He… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Why do so many new brides get crow's feet as soon as they're married? From squinting and saying, Suck what? — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Behind every great woman is a man telling her she's ignoring him. Behind every great man is a puzzled woman. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
People don't come into your life by accident. Everyone that crosses your path serves a purpose — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Life is like sex, you can either lie back and let it screw you OR you can get on top and ride… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Life should come with a remote. There are so many moments I'd give up my life for to pause, fast-forward, and rewind. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I had a wet dream about you last night. I dreamt you got hit by a bus and pissed myself laughing... — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Ladies: guys wouldn't cheat if you did a little less nagging, and a little more gagging. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
If you're a dude wearing a scarf, I'm just going to assume you're keeping your neck muscles warm to suck many dicks. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Women fake headaches to get out of having sex with their man, and men fake not being married to have sex with a woman. — Green Monk Copy Share
I've been told by so many women that I'm a great listener. A majority of them, have big boobs. — Green Monk Copy Share
Scientists have found that women share the same dna as prawns.. Their heads are full of shit but their pink bits taste amazing! — Green Monk Copy Share
When someone is mad and asks you Do I look stupid? Don't answer them just stare curiously at them — Green Monk Copy Share
You may love a girl very deeply... But u CANNOT express it more deeper than... 5, 6 or 7 inches... — Green Monk Copy Share
Note To Females: You cant blame the entire male genre just because you were attracted to some assholes. — Green Monk Copy Share
That awkward moment when you can't understand what someone has said even though they have repeated it four times — Green Monk Copy Share
Life should come with a remote. There are so many moments I'd give up my life for to pause, fast-forward, and rewind. — Green Monk Copy Share
I wish Twitter would notify me when someone UN-followed me, that way I could go star it. — Green Monk Copy Share
I like those Birthday reminders on Facebook because occasionally they remind me of the friends I need to Delete. — Green Monk Copy Share
