I don't get along with anything, I really don't...I'm, I'm, maybe I'm just a, you know, incredibly tasteful human being. — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, "My dad can beat up your… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
No one knows what it's like … to be a dustbin … in Shaftesbury … with hooligans … — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
People are bringing shotguns to UFO sightings in Fife, Alabama. I asked a guy, "Why do you bring a gun to a… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
I love the Pope, I love seeing him in his Pope-Mobile, his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass. That's faith in action… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
Ever notice that people who believe in creationism look really unevolved? Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet. "I believe… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn’t the idea of making nature against the law seem… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don't want any gay people hanging around me while I'm killing kids.… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
I'll smoke, I'll cough, I'll get the tumors, I'll die, deal? Thank you America. [salutes] — Bill Hicks Copy Share
If you don't think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD's and burn them. — Bill Hicks Copy Share
How many people disapprove of the job the Conservatives are doing? Seventy percent. Of those same people, how many will vote for them again?… — Bill Hicks Copy Share
BTW A 24 week old embryo is not a human being. You're not a human being until you're in my phone book. — Bill Hicks Copy Share
Christianity has a built-in defense system: anything that questions a belief, no matter how logical the argument is, is the work of Satan by… — Bill Hicks Copy Share
I'm just trying to rid the world of all these fevered egos that are tainting our collective unconscious... — Bill Hicks Copy Share
I was told when I grew up I could be anything I wanted: a fireman, a policeman, a doctor – even President, it seemed.… — Bill Hicks Copy Share
Good comedy helps people know they're not alone. Great comedy provides an answer. — Bill Hicks Copy Share
People ask me what I think about that woman priest thing. What, a woman priest? Women priests. Great, great. Now there's priests of both… — Bill Hicks Copy Share
I can't watch TV longer than five minutes without praying for nuclear holocaust. — Bill Hicks Copy Share
I'm not really a heavy smoker any more. I only get through two lighters a day now. — Bill Hicks Copy Share
You watch the news these days? It's unbelievable. You think you just walk out your door, you're immediately gonna be raped by some crack-addicted,… — Bill Hicks Copy Share
