Funny Quotes by Anonymous · Page 69

The Labor Day holiday means I get my unemployment check a day late.

— Anonymous

I did it on my bed.. I did it on the couch.. I did it in the car... Texting is such an…

— Anonymous

Never let your friends feel lonely... Disturb them all the time.

— Anonymous

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering

— Anonymous

That awkward moment when your sarcasm is so advanced people actually think you are stupid.

— Anonymous

Are gingers allowed to eat at restaurants that serve soul food?

— Anonymous

Your 13 , you should be picking flower's not baby name's*

— Anonymous

I see that you retweeted my tweet...I accept your invitation for sex.

— Anonymous

Studies clearly indicate that those who get 'Get Well' cards sooner and more often have a 80% faster recovery rate, so I…

— Anonymous

I feel slighted for not being invited to your wedding that I would have totally ruined with drunken antics or not gone…

— Anonymous

Welcome to facebook, where you can stalk your exes, freak out your frends, and go from normal to bi polor in 30 secounds!

— Anonymous

This Independence Day you're invited to my house where a large gathering of people will proudly display their dependence on drugs and…

— Anonymous

Females: I'ma slap that b*tch when I see her, she got me f**ked up! *Girl walks past. She lucky she ain't look…

— Anonymous

“If you ladies have had your fun I think you should tell Calvin and Meg a little more about all this," Charles…

— Anonymous

Dear high school boys, your penis is not pinnochios nose, it doesn't get bigger everytime you lie about it's size. Sincerely, Reality

— Anonymous

Just Got The Power Back On Here(: We Had a Bad Storm Knocked Down Alot Of Trees And Power Lines. But Everything's…

— Anonymous

And the end and the beginning where always there, before the beginning and after the end.

— Anonymous

My friends are the kind that'd be hitting on firemen when the house is burning down.

— Anonymous

I'd love to watch an episode of How I Met Your Mother without you pointing out Neil Patrick Harris is gay.

— Anonymous

Happy Bastille Day to someone pretentious enough to know what the fuck that is.

— Anonymous

Never ever get into fights with ugly people. They have literally and figuratively nothing to lose!

— Anonymous

Valentine's Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is.

— Anonymous

Success, it's like a fart. Only bothers people when it's not their own.

— Anonymous

You like sleeping? Me too! We should do it together sometime.

— Anonymous

You do serve at least one useful purpose in life, as a horrible example.

— Anonymous

When I say I miss school, I mean the friends and the fun. Not the school.

— Anonymous

I wish my phone never ran out of battery and my fridge never ran out of food.

— Anonymous

I have decided to leave my past behind, so if I owe you money, I'm SORRY, but I've moved on.

— Anonymous

Baby you light up my world like nobody else I whisper as I turn my laptop brightness up.

— Anonymous

It's adorable when sleep tries to compete with Facebook.

— Anonymous

Its alright to let yourself go, as long as you can bring yourself back.

— Anonymous

Congratulations on marrying the next person you dated after me.

— Anonymous

Life's funny because u can live it with or without certain people ¥

— Anonymous

Monday makes me angrier than Chris Brown is every moment of every day.

— Anonymous

Thanks for getting divorced and adding to the statistical evidence I use as an excuse to avoid marriage.

— Anonymous

So if you go to jail for contempt, is that considered billable hours?

— Anonymous

Flirting is the art of making a man feel pleased with himself.

— Anonymous

What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.

— Anonymous

That awkward moment when you tell a kid hi and they just stare at you

— Anonymous

Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you?

— Anonymous