Retirement life begins when the kids move out and the cat gets run over. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just to be sure. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
People who say life is a bed of roses usually complain about sleeping in thorns. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I was a kid I used to pretend wafer sticks were cigarettes... I was just that badass — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A good-bye is never painful unless you're never going to say hello again — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Your knowledge of wine is almost as impressive as your use of it to disguise your alcoholism. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
This man is forcing innocent children to kill their loved ones. For no reason at all. You can make a change. This… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
During the summer I could stay up so late without any problem, now that school's back I can barely stay up past 10. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When someone looks at your baby pictures and jokingly saysyou were so cute! What happened? Bitch, I got sexy, that's what happened. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Im a bitch? Well a bitch is a dog, dogs bark, bark is on trees, which is apart of nature and nature… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Hey, I don't know you, so this is crazy, but here's my profile, so subscribe to me maybe?Â¥ I won't accept friend… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Are we celebrating the fact that Guy Fawkes got caught trying to blow up parliament or he tried to have a go… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you never want to see a man again, say, I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Student: Can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: You should've gone during the break Student: I'm sorry I haven't planned out my… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I can't wait for your wedding to be my excuse for getting out of another wedding. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If your plan A doesnt work, dont sweat it. The alphabet has 25 more letters. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Tempted to type meaningless twaddle all the time on Twitter...with alliteration, no less! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Being fat is nature's way of saying, You're so good, I think I'll make more of you! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I hope you get so many wedding gifts that you don't realize there are none from me. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Add me on kik? I'm also getting a text free so you guys can text me without knowing my real number — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Even though you have free health care, I hope a firecracker doesn't blow off your thumbs this Canada Day. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I drop my phone I act like I've let a newborn baby slip through my hands. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. then walk into a pole. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
He who loses money, loses much; He who loses a friend, loses much more; He who loses faith, loses all. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Happy Mother's Day to someone whom I'm even more dependent on now than when I was in utero. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The closest thing you will ever come to a brain storm is a light drizzle. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
He's turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's miserable and depressed. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You're one of the few people I don't mind very briefly communicating with on a Monday. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Girls work on their looks but not on their minds because they know boys are stupid, not blind. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's better to spend money like there's no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there's no money. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share
Distance is a test of love. many will fail for those who can't withstand it, but for those who can, theres only one answer… — Anonymous Copy Share
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share
The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion,… — Anonymous Copy Share
