My level of sarcasms gotten to a point where I dont even know if Im kidding or not. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There's a fine line between hugging someone and holding them down so they can't get away. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
No matter how old you are... if alittle kid shoots you with a toy gun, you act dead. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If ugliness was measured in bricks, you would be the great wall of China. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When youre walking, then start texting and walking slower, and slower, and slower, until youre just standing there texting — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Given the amount of food I plan to gorge on this year, I'm not confident in the integrity of this chair's construction. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I hope my anus and genitals roasting in 95-degree weather all day doesn't turn you off from giving me oral sex tonight. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I'm reading a book and someone asks me what I'm reading, I don't answer. I just raise book up, so they… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't become wild, doesn't survive. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When people see you lying down with your eyes closed and they still ask 'Are you sleeping?' I reply, 'No, I'm training… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I like wearing big sweaters. Not cause they're all comfy, but when the sleeves are really big I get to flop them… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear Mom, thanks for not answering the phone. I could be locked in some rapist's basementfor all you know. Thanks, nice to… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Children must always wear a seat belt...Except if you put 50 of them in one vehicle. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'll post quotes and pictures later, but right now I am dead tothe world from lack of sleep! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The only high-tech, battery-powered superhero I'm interested in this weekend is the one in my nightstand. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's funny cause I miss you, but I don't want you. It's like a been there done that kinda thing. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I can't wait for your wedding reception to show everyone why I'm divorced. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Grammar.The difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I hate when I'm set on running a yellow light and the person in front of me chickens out. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself...you may get your ass kicked, but you stood up for yourself. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Awkward moment when you hit the wrong person even you want to hit someone. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When the girlfriend and I get in an argument, I begin to believe in flying saucers...and plates, pots, mugs... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sorry, sarcasm falls out of my mouth, like stupidity falls out of yours. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Domino's Pizza: 'Now made with real cheese!' Me: What the fuck did you use before!? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The NFL lockout is inspiring me to follow my dream of finding new ways to avoid spending time with my family. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Money can't buy you happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a MERCEDES than on a BICYCLE. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm affectionately known by Elton John as either Sylvia Disc or the Bionic Christian. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A bride at her second wedding does not wear a veil because she wants to see what she is getting — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share
Distance is a test of love. many will fail for those who can't withstand it, but for those who can, theres only one answer… — Anonymous Copy Share
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share
The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion,… — Anonymous Copy Share
