Quote by Steven Wright Download Open image ““I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included. So I had to buy them again.”” — Steven Wright ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ 4.7 out of 5 (4 ratings) Copy quoteShare
“I borrowed a hammer and the garage and disposed of both phones. I was pretty sure that I could have just pulled the batteries,… — Patricia Briggs Copy Share Image
“I was so sure that I knew what they needed and what I wanted to sell them that I never stopped long enough to… — Chris Murray Copy Share Image
“I should have known he and I weren't going to make it when for my seventeenth birthday he gave me a box of microwave… — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
“Presents? Cake? I could use a new bat, maybe some good work boots or running shoes.” — Patricia Hamill Copy Share Image
“Last Minute: I have to buy all my presents at the last minute, she said, or I get too excited & just give them away.” — Brian Andreas Copy Share Image
“I laughed at them. Not because I thought they had no power to harm me, but because they had.” — Mark Lawrence Copy Share Image
“Brownies were like spare batteries. One could never have too many in the house.” — Darynda Jones Copy Share Image
“But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready, you see. Now my troubles are going To have troubles with me!” — Dr Seuss Copy Share Image
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked,… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
Nobody can really compare a relationship in which the victim is 15 years old to one where she's 6. While both criminal, they're very different circumstances. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.” — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to remember my act, trying to say… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
