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Christmas Quote by Jim Gaffigan

“I was born with a heart that was two sizes too small, but when I saw my baby, it was like the Grinch discovering the true meaning of Christmas.” quote by Jim Gaffigan — Download Open image

““I was born with a heart that was two sizes too small, but when I saw my baby, it was like the Grinch discovering the true meaning of Christmas.””

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“Cousins are like celebrities for little kids.”

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Stand-up comedy in the end, unlike the rest of the entertainment industry, is a meritocracy. There's a certain level of undeniability you can work…

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Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic.

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“The song goes, “Morning has broken,” and I’m pretty sure my children broke it. Like everything else they break, if they did break it,…

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I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll…

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Babies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does,…

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Isn't it strange -- when you're single, all you see is couples, and when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers.

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I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but it is 4th of July. And I need the energy if I'm…

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“If you complain about how you spend your Saturdays taking your kid to birthday parties, that means you are taking your kid to birthday…

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Ever eat so much you feel sick? Isn't that the best?

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I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this.

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More Christmas quotes

The notion of a non-religious Christmas is ridiculous. But so is the insistence on the part of Christians that politicians and retailers carry out…

Rachel Campos-Duffy

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As we are coming to the end of the year, I want you to forget about the past, the failure, the negative thoughts or…

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I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

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May you have the spirit of Christmas which is Peace, the gladness of Christmas which is Hope, and the Heart of Christmas which is…

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To my future children; you will know the true meaning of Christmas just not you get gifts.

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No sane local official who has hung up an empty stocking over the municipal fireplace is going to shoot Santa Claus just before a…

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A new heart for a New Year, always!

Charles Dickens

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Santa Claus has nothing to do with it," the latke said. "Christmas and Hanukah are completely different things." "But different things can often blend…

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For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.

Rodney Dangerfield

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“Why did he hesitate? He finally admitted to himself that he was like an American child who was almost completely certain about Santa Claus,…

Orson Scott Card

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There seems a magic in the very name of Christmas.

Charles Dickens

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Heaven? Floating about with everyone you ever knew for eternity? Me family does me 'ed in after one day at xmas, I'd rather be…

Karl Pilkington

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