Witty Quotes
- My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. — Tim Allen
- A baby is born with a need to be loved - and never outgrows it. — Frank A. Clark
- A politician thinks of the next election. A statesman, of the next generation. — James Freeman Clarke
- I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers. — Woody Allen
- I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. — Woody Allen
- My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. — Woody Allen
- If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. — Woody Allen
- You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. — Woody Allen
- What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. — Woody Allen
- What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? — Woody Allen
- I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. — Woody Allen
- The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy. — Carl von Clausewitz
- I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead. — Woody Allen
- Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday. — Woody Allen
- Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered? — Woody Allen
- In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows. — Woody Allen
- If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job. — Woody Allen
- Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. — Woody Allen
- Being president is like running a cemetery: you've got a lot of people under you and nobody's listening. — William J. Clinton
- We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like? — Jean Cocteau