Witty Quotes

2578 quotes by 687 authors

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you. — Groucho Marx
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it. — Groucho Marx
If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again. — Groucho Marx
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. — Groucho Marx
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted. — Groucho Marx
Room service? Send up a larger room. — Groucho Marx
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does. — Groucho Marx
The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor… — Groucho Marx
My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one. — Groucho Marx
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. — Walter Matthau
Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species. — W. Somerset Maugham
The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit. — W. Somerset Maugham
To be witty is not enough. One must possess sufficient wit to avoid having too much of it. — Andre Maurois
If you fight angry, you make a lot of mistakes, and when you fight a sharp, witty fighter like me, you can't make mistakes. — Floyd Mayweather, Jr.
I like quips. I like whiffs of cynicism and I think they can be witty. But I don't really know where wittiness is constructive. — Matthew McConaughey
Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop. — H. L. Mencken
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too. — H. L. Mencken
Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public. — H. L. Mencken
It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. — H. L. Mencken
The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom. — H. L. Mencken

Who Wrote These Witty Quotes

687 authors contributed a total of 2,578 Witty Quotes, led by these top contributors: