Witty Quotes

2578 quotes by 687 authors

God bless those pagans. — Nikhil Saluja
Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything. 14% of people know that. — Nikhil Saluja
When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power - like God must feel when he's holding a gun. — Nikhil Saluja
I hope I didn't brain my damage! — Nikhil Saluja
Son, a woman is a lot like a... a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and... um... Oh, wait a… — Nikhil Saluja
Now, Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel. — Nikhil Saluja
Shut up, brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-Tip! — Nikhil Saluja
I am so smart, I am so smart, S M R T, I mean S M A R T. — Nikhil Saluja
Sweetie, if you opened a book more times than you opened your legs,you might actually get somewhere in life. — Nikhil Saluja
I lost my charm when I thought I had any. — Nikhil Saluja
I never knew you could offend someone by masturbating. This couple just opened their closet and they look really pissed. — Nikhil Saluja
For all my haters, I just want you to know that there's no medicine for insecurities so better commit suicide! — Nikhil Saluja
What a beautiful day to walk around my city, staring at my phone. — Nikhil Saluja
Ladies, Don't worry - if you haven't found the man of your dreams yet, there's always a vibrator. — Nikhil Saluja
Note to self: Thanks for always being there. — Nikhil Saluja
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single FUCK THIS. — Nikhil Saluja
Men are simple creatures. 99% of their problems can be solved with sex, sandwiches, or both. — Nikhil Saluja
The most powerful force in the universe is women gossiping. — Nikhil Saluja
When getting divorced remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. — Nikhil Saluja
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, then we can be good friends. — Nikhil Saluja

Who Wrote These Witty Quotes

687 authors contributed a total of 2,578 Witty Quotes, led by these top contributors: