Witty Quotes

2578 quotes by 687 authors

Love is a finger in the butt. — Nikhil Saluja
Whenever I masturbate I always pretend my right hand has a British accent. — Nikhil Saluja
Million dollar idea for a sci-fic movie: A world just like ours but with one key difference. When your phone dies, YOU die. — Nikhil Saluja
Sometimes I want to sit on my right hand so it feels like someone else is stopping me from masturbating. — Nikhil Saluja
If you convince me to make me think WHAT THE FUCK you instantly get a retweet. — Nikhil Saluja
Isn't it strange that a group of very intelligent individuals combined into a political party become collectively stupid? — Nikhil Saluja
I may not agree with what you have to say, but I shall defend to the death your right to shut up. — Nikhil Saluja
To feel good about yourself, is there a quota on how many other people each day you have to condemn? — Nikhil Saluja
My mind is now so crowded with valuable information that I can't think. — Nikhil Saluja
You know, you can really get wet playing games in that new Pentium-VI dishwasher. — Nikhil Saluja
If you recall childhood, you may remember that the kids who stuck straws and cigarettes up their noses back then seemed funnier than the ones… — Nikhil Saluja
The NFL is boring, the NBA is disintegrating, baseball is totally predictable. Maybe we do need the XFL. Maybe we need Nude Roller Derby. Maybe… — Nikhil Saluja
There's just something wonderful about a cold, clear winter morning that makes you want to slow down and take time to stop and smell some… — Nikhil Saluja
One of the great mysteries of life is how a man can leave his car keys in the refrigerator. — Nikhil Saluja
I read the newspaper every day just to see if there's anyone I know in the obituaries or the underwear ads. — Nikhil Saluja
Okay, I have a million awesome clip art images. Now what? — Nikhil Saluja
Yesterday, I came home early from work and found my Girlfriend cheating. The lazy bitch has hired a maid for cooking. — Nikhil Saluja
My best friend told me about a great 80's porn site. I fucking hope he meant the 1980's. — Nikhil Saluja
I named my first born child after my mother-in-law. In fact, lazy fat ass bitch turns 5 tomorrow. — Nikhil Saluja
Her suicide note will be Twitter. — Nikhil Saluja

Who Wrote These Witty Quotes

687 authors contributed a total of 2,578 Witty Quotes, led by these top contributors: