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Up Quotes by George Carlin
- Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
- I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own,…
- You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
- If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
- If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
- As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing.
- There's some invisible guy, up in the sky, who can kill you, because he loves you.
- You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!
- I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here are a few I would suggest: "Alcohol will…
- Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the "Ten Most Wanted" criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does…
- Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who would be willing to test any drug they could come…
- The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage.
- I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment…
- We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up…
- And what can we do to silence these Christian athletes who thank Jesus whenever they win, never mention his name when they lose? Not a…
- I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I consider them to be symbols and I leave symbols to the symbol…
- If you vote and you elect dishonest, incompetent people into office who screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. You caused…
- Hallucinogens are a value changer...like it or not, it changes your values, it opens up windows (doors of perception.)
- Keep in mind, the news media are not independent; they are a sort of bulletin board and public relations firm for the ruling class-the people…
- The captain has just turned on the fasten-seat-belt-sign. He didn't mean to, but the joint he was smoking fell in his lap, and when he…
- Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage. I've always written in the long format, five, eight, 10-minute pieces rather than one-liners,…
- Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
- I've begun worshipping the sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the sun.…
- Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.
- Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit,…
More Ways to Read Up Quotes by George Carlin
More Up Quotes
- The sad truth is that most evil is done by people who never make up their minds to be good or evil. — Hannah Arendt
- Revolutionaries do not make revolutions. The revolutionaries are those who know when power is lying in the street and then they can… — Hannah Arendt
- I try to push ideas away, and the ones that will not leave me alone are the ones that ultimately end up… — J. J. Abrams
- All virtue is summed up in dealing justly. — Aristotle
- Growing up, my ideals were Barbra Streisand, Cher, and my mom. — Kevyn Aucoin
- When I was growing up, the men in my life were abusive; women were the ones I ran to for comfort. — Kevyn Aucoin
- Stories surge up out of nowhere, and if they feel compelling, you follow them. You let them unfold inside you and see… — Paul Auster
- Films and television and even comic books are churning out vast quantities of fictional narratives, and the public continues to swallow them… — Paul Auster
- Nothing is more memorable than a smell. One scent can be unexpected, momentary and fleeting, yet conjure up a childhood summer beside… — Diane Ackerman
- I write the paragraph, then I'm crossing out, changing words, trying to improve it. When it seems more or less OK, then… — Paul Auster
- Get this in mind early: We never grow up. — Richard Bach
- People are so damned afraid that one day they might wake up and discover that they've grown old. — Billie Joe Armstrong